Friday, June 29, 2007

Virtual Book Tour Over and Henri is Ready for Fun!

Henri is so lousy writing title headers.

Anyway, Henri is now done with virtual book tours! Wahooo! Today, I appeared on tour coordinator's blog, Pump Up Your Online Book Promotion. Even the title of that looks like work. Actually, it went fine, but I'm glad it's over in a way. I hate it when I miss tour stops as I did a couple of times.

But, I do want to thank all my tour hosts for having me. I met so many neat people and even a vampire lady and a gypsy psychic! Doesn't get better than that!

I'm ready for fun now. I feel like the last day of school and I'm ready to P-A-R-T-Y!

Oh, I haven't told you. I'm going to camp! Actually, it's a camp for college kids to earn college credits and I get to be one of the camp counsellors! Okay, okay, I guess you're wondering how is a ghost going to be a camp counsellor. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, ladies and gentlemen. I can materialize, you know.

It's called Camp SoYouWannaSeeAGhost. Pretty neat, huh? From what I understand, it's a camp to learn about ghosts and the afterlife and I am to help out. Consider it my contribution to America's youth; but, truth be known, Henri is going to have fun.

So, stay with me...on Monday, I'll leave for Camp SoYouWannaSeeAGhost and I'll tell you all about it.

Have a nice weekend, mes amis....

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Henri Does Tour Coordinator

I hate my tour coordinator.

And, no, hate is not a strong word in this sense because you'd hate her to if you were interrogated for two hours on why you haven't been blogging and why you haven't been posting about your tour stops. Oh, yeah, and why she didn't charge me because not only is she doing the tour for nothing, she is quote unquote "wasting her time on someone who is totally useless."


Not only that, I missed Haunted Evidence last night. Instead, I was holed up in tour coordinator's office trying to miss the evil looks she was throwing at me.

I've been wanting to go to another realm, but it's not my decision. The higher energies will not even give me a pass until I finish my work here. And I have no idea when that will be. I suppose once this tour is over, I can start concentrating on the real mission I am here and that is to go out there in 21st century and tell the mortals that ghosts are here to help them, not scare them, and that communication is the key to knowing all.

What a mission.

When they gave me the assignment, I wasn't sure how I was going to do this. The higher energies helped me out and gave me a running start by landing me in the home of Ezra Anne Thornberry. Now Ezra is a good soul, has to kids to raise, and now has a good deal of money since proving that ghosts exist which is chronicled in the book, The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost. But, if it were not for me, she would have never found Sarah.

Anyway, so what I think I'll do is help others find missing loved ones. I'm thinking if I get maybe two or three under my belt, the higher energies will let me go back home so that I can advance to the next realm, wherever that might be.

I'm really liking it in 21st century, though, despite tour coordinator. I have made a lot of new friends and it really would be sad to leave them.

But, after this tour is over, I will start on my mission and see what kind of new adventures Henri can get into.

So, for the sake of getting tour coordinator off my arse, I would like to tell you where I'll be touring for the remainder of my virtual book tour. I'll be at Laura Crawford's blog, Greetings from the Polebarn on Monday, Gloria Oliver's blog on Tuesday and I'll be finishing up my tour on tour coordinator's blog, Pump Up Your Online Book Promotion on Friday. After this, the real adventures of Henri will begin, so stay tuned!

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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Henri Does Fishing with Boo

"I remember back when I was a little kid in my second incarnation, my father took me out to Sulley Creek and taught me how to fish. I remember I was no higher than a grasshopper, but my daddy sat back and didn't say a word as he watched me bait my first hook. I remember the proud look he had on his face when I reeled in my first freshwater fish. A bass, I think. That thing flopped all over the place and didn't want me to get near him. I knew I had to make my daddy proud and take that hook out all by myself. I tried and tried, until my daddy leaned over and said, 'Boo, if life were simple, we'd have no challenges, and if we had no challenges, we'd all be nothing.' I looked at my daddy and it was if something came over me. I grabbed that bass and ripped the hook right outta his mouth."

I nodded, not really paying attention to Boo because he tended to ramble about his life...on and on...and my thoughts were really focused on Juicy. Where she was and did she miss me?

I don't know why I even let her "giving me space" bother me since I was a grown ghost and knew the repercussions of having a woman scorned; but this author stuff, it's too new to me and I don't really know how to handle it, I guess.

"Zut!" Boo threw his fist into the air and started shaking it and using curse words I hadn't heard coming from him in a long time.

"Did you see that one get away?" he yelled, cursing and spitting.

"Why don't we just call it a day?" I asked him. "I've got another interview in the morning."

"Oh yeah? Where is this one?"

"Canada again. Must be a lot of authors in Canada, that's all I have to say. Jamieson Wolf's blog, The Book Pedler."

Boo put his rod down and scratched his baldy head. "What in the hell is a blog?"

"I don't think you'd understand, Boo, my friend, but it's a place to meet beautiful 21st century women."

Boo threw his head back, let out a guffaw, and said, "Don't you think you're in enough trouble, Henri?"

I shook my head, sat down on a log, and sighed.

Boo came over and sat down beside me. "Why are you so looking for 21st century women, Henri, when you have a good woman who wants to be with you more than anything but you barely give her the time of day?"

"I don't know, Boo. Maybe I just want to be friends with Juicy? Is that too hard to understand?"

Boo patted my back and said, "That's not hard to understand, Henri. Maybe you two just need your space."

"Yeah, that's what she said."

"So, what happens when you two find your space?"

I didn't know what to say. I wished I knew.

"Henri, stop worrying. Everything will work out for the better eventually."

"But I don't like Juicy being sad, but when Juicy acts like my career doesn't count, that makes Henri sad, you know?"

Boo nodded as if he knew, but he couldn't know. He didn't know what it was like to stay up until the roosters crowed writing and revising, writing and revising, and then after that, it was touring and meeting people and connecting with other authors even if they were beautiful 21st century women. How could Henri avoid that if he was to become big famous author?

"I better get back, Boo. Thanks for lending me your rod. We'll do it again next weekend, okay?"

"Sure thing, buddy. You take care, okay?"

"Yeah, you too."

I bid Boo adieu and headed back to Ezra's to prepare for my interview with Jamieson Wolf at The Book Pedler. Slipping past Ezra, I headed to the basement where my computer was and checked my email. Nothing from Juicy. But I did find something interesting. My book, The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost is on sale at Amazon at 32% off, making it just over a cool ten bucks for beautiful 21st century women to buy real cheap.

I turned off the computer, curled up in my bed, and smiled.


Friday, June 8, 2007

Henri Does Affair and Rock 'N Roll Author

Holy résidus de chien.

My tour coordinator just left. I had had a rotten day yesterday after I got back from visiting the Gypsy Psychic. The interview went great...paparazzi everywhere...but after I got home, there was a note from Juicy saying she wanted to give me space. I think she picked up on 21st century American custom of telling me which pier to jump off of. Give me space. I have lots of space. What is she talking about, this give me space?

So, I've got the note in my hand and I fly past Ezra who is folding laundry and she says, "Dorothy is in the den and wants to talk to you. I think it's urgent."

I sigh, thinking what else could go wrong today, and fly into the den only to find tour coordinator with head in hands. Not like Henri who can take head off.

"Bonjour," I say, trying not to let her know I've picked up on her vibes.

"Henri. Henri. Henri."

"What? I go to Gypsy Psychic and do interview. What has Henri done wrong now?"

She gets up and heads to Ezra's computer and goes to Henri's blog and checks stats.

"Look at this, Henri."

I look closer and...and...

You think my troubles with Juicy are bad?

Someone has found out I had an affair before they chopped my head off. Click here and see for yourself.

Someone is looking for Henri!

"Why do they want to know about this?" I ask Dorothy.

"I don't know, Henri. I just don't know. Perhaps you want to tell me why?"

"They want to know if Henri was as good back then as he is now?" I grin.

"I don't think so, Henri. Someone's snooping. I just don't want this sort of thing to get to the press, you know?"

"So what if press finds out? What can they do to Henri being as I'm a ghost now?"

"Well, for starters, they could hire a ghostbuster and send you back to the great beyond, but what really concerns me is that no one is going to buy your book if you give it bad publicity."


And I think.
Henri does good ideas when he thinks.

"What about James Frey? Look at all the publicity he got for his book!"

"And what do you think James Frey is doing now that no one else will publish subsequent books?"

"Enjoy his riches by the poolside with beautiful 21st century women?"

I don't think that was right answer. Dorothy looks at me and says, "Look, Henri, where are you heading today?"

"You're the tour coordinator. Aren't you supposed to know these things?"

Ah, bad Henri.

"Don't get smart with me, Henri, or I'll send you back where you came from."


"Okay, okay. I'm heading over to Vancouver, Canada, to talk to Karen Magill."

"The rock-n-roll writer? The one who wrote, 'Let Us Play: A Rock 'N Roll Love Story'? The SINGLE ROCK 'N ROLL WRITER?"


"Good Lord. Please, Henri, DO NOT get into any trouble while you're over there. I'll try to figure this out before it gets too big for the both of us."

Sounded like a plan to me. I wished her well, flew out the door and headed over to Karen's apartment. I laugh to myself that tour coordinator would think Henri would get in trouble with single rock 'n roll 21st century beautiful woman author.

She thinks she knows Henri too well.
Anyway, if you'd like to fly with me over to Karen's blog and find out what interesting things Henri has to say about The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, click here.
And bring Coors Light, please.


Thursday, June 7, 2007

Henri Does Gypsy Psychic

It was early in the morning when I got back from visiting Ronda at Storyation and I knew Juicy was going to kill me.

Yes, ghosts can get killed in different ways from mortals, believe me.

I flew in at quarter past seven and Juice was waiting for me on my doorstep. I don't know how she has the nerve. She knows I'm a published author now and have to do these things.

And she knows I'm on a virtual book tour and won't be home for long hours of the time. And, it's not like she owned dear ol' Henri, you know.

"So, where was it tonight?"

Those words sliced the air like a dagger through raw meat. I told you I was a writer, didn't I?

Well, I tried to fly past her without saying a word, but she caught me by my coattails. Yes, ghosts have coattails.

Anyway, I said, "Ronda's place."

She gave me this look like whatever. It's hard to describe words. It's like the look your mama gives you when you say you've been over to your girlfriend's house when her parents are gone and it's just you and your girlfriend and you didn't even give her a peck on the cheek. I hate women's intuition.

But, I was perfectly innocent this time as Ronda and I have this thing and don't cross it. Like Juice and I. Or, so I thought.

"So, what did you do at Ronda's place besides being gone all night long without so much as a telepathic phone call?"

What do you say to that? I, uh, didn't think about it?

"Look, Juicy, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I've gotta run in and grab a Light and head back out."

If you think her look before was awesome, you should have seen this one.

"And where this time, if I may ask?"

Now, at this point, she decides to shed the waterworks to make Henri feel bad and not go. But, tour coordinator would kill me if I don't go, so I say, "I'm going to talk to a gypsy psychic."

It was the truth. I couldn't help it if gypsy psychic was beautiful 21st century woman, could I?

"How long are you going to be gone? And why a psychic, Henri? So he or SHE can tell you how our relationship is going?"

Ah. Relationship chit chat time. I knew I had to get out of there before Juice started making me say things I knew better to say.

"It's not about that," I said. "It's another stop on my virtual book tour."

"Well," she huffed, "while you're over there, ask this gypsy psychic how long it's going to take before Juicy gets fed up with Henri's stardom and starts looking for new boyfriend?"

"I told you, Juicy, I'm not..." I couldn't say it at this point, so I said, "Look, let me zip over and give her this interview and when I get back, we'll head out to Fisher's Point and do a little fishing. Would that make you happy?"

Again. The Look.

"Oh, don't like fishing. Forgot that. Okay, how about a picnic. We'll do the wine and cheese thing. You like that.

"Juicy? Where'd you go?"

I hate it that ghosts can disappear that fast.

Anyway, I'm off to Gypsy Psychic's place at if you'd like to follow me. I need your support. Actually, I'll need an alibi in case Gypsy Psychic and I decide to do our own little cheese and wine thing. What a ghost will do to get a free psychic reading.

Oh, just kidding. Anyway, fly over with me as I finish up my 4th stop on my THE SEARCH FOR THE MILLION $$$ GHOST VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR!

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Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Who Said Book Touring Was Easy?

I had a talk with my tour coordinator yesterday. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm getting my tour free being as she happens to be one of the so called co-writers of The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, which is really MY book, but I digress...

So, I had a chat over coffee and Coors Light (guess who had the Coors Light) and we were sitting out on her deck watching her silly dogs run around the yard and she asked me what brought me to her neck of the woods.

"I'm getting ovewhelmed," I sighed real convincing-like. "You didn't tell me that book touring, even over Internet, was going to be so hard."

She laughed, tossing back her curly blonde hair in a way that made Henri excited as much as I didn't want to admit it, and she said, "Henri, get used to it. This is only the beginning."

She knew what I was talking about without me having to say so. I hate that intuitive thing she has going on.

"Didn't your tour just start Friday and you've only had two tour stops?" she asked.

"I know! I know! Yesterday at Cat's blog and another stop today at Storyation...I just can't keep up with it all. I thought this was going to be fun. I knew I was going to be doing interviews and all that, but I just don't even have time to blog anymore. The last time Boo saw me was when I had to rush down to Boo Drop Inn and rescue him from the vampire-ectoplasm-suckers yesterday before I had to whip back to the Ozark Mountains of Missouri to be interviewed by Cat, and then whip back here and be interviewed by Storyation, and now Juicy is really complaining about not seeing me anymore. My friends are going to diss me!"

There, I said it. She could do what she wanted with it, but I had to get it off chest.

I looked up and I thought she would be staring at me like I'm the most poopiest-head she'd ever seen; but instead, she was smiling. I didn't like that know-it-all-look that she was giving me. She might have been around publishing circles for a long time, but this is new to Henri, you know?

Then, she finally said what I figured she was going to say, "Henri, it's all part of the package. Did you think it was going to be easy? Did all you think was that you were going to have your name on a book - oops, forgot, you're inside but don't even let us get started on that again - and that's all there is to it? Don't you want to sell that book? Your book isn't going to sell by itself, you know. You might have a million lives, but that book - your book - has one life. It's either now or never, my friend. You better hit it while the fire is hot."

"But, what about blogging? I haven't even been able to keep my blog updated and my beautiful 21st century women who love Henri aren't going to like that very much."

I think this was the first time I saw tour coordinator break out in sweat.

"Henri, what did I tell you when you first started this tour? I told you to BLOG about it as you go along. Beautiful 21st century women might find it interesting as some of them might even be authors themselves and haven't ever been on a virtual book tour before. They can learn about your experiences and if they see Henri having fun instead of being stressed out all the time about it, they might even find out what good this will do for the sales of their books."

Damn. I really hate it when she thinks she knows everything. But, maybe she was right. I guess the only way I will know is by doing it.

So, my beautiful 21st century women who love Henri, if you want to read interview with Cat who lives in Ozark Mountains of Missouri, click here!

This might be fun after all. Is this okay with you ladies for Henri to blog about tour trips besides my ghostly adventures?

Oops, don't have time to find out...I'm back to the Ozarks for an interview with Ronda Del Boccio of Storyation! I'll let you know how it goes!

I'll be back, mon amies....please don't go away...Henri loves you all!

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Friday, June 1, 2007

Henri Does Virtual Book Tour

No sooner does Henri get back from the south of France visiting long lost ancestors and before he even opens that first can of Coors Light, the girls have surprise treat for him. I, Henri de Montmorency, is going on first live book tour.

The girls tell me the world is not read for Henri in the in the flesh, but they have found way for me to appear all over world and all I have to do is sit here at Ezras, answer a few questions, and go off to Boo Drop Inn while my books fly off cyber-shelves. It's called virtual book tour. Twentieth-century mortals make me laugh at names they come up with.

But, there are instructions. I am to blog about where I go and add these &%#@# tags. Why can't Henri just have fun with it? "Because you want people to find you, you dope!" screams Dorothy, one of so-called co-writers who believes she wrote part of MY book. C'est si idiot!

Anyway, I am on virtual book tour all month long and I am to tell you about it as I go. It might even be fun for poor ol' Henri if meeting beautiful young ladies is part of the deal. Oh la la!
So, today I am being interviewed by someone named TWL. The link is TWL annoyed me with so many questions but I am to keep trap shut and blog about it. And...I am to tell you to go over to TWL's hut and read my interview and leave questions if you have any. So, you go ahead and do that while Henri grabs a few Coors Light. Hope to see you there!