Going to California

"Henri!"

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you call me that you were back in town - err - on earth?"

"I didn't think you'd care."

"What do you mean? I didn't care?"

"Well, I...just didn't."

"Henri, what did your therapist tell you? Stop being so down on yourself; of course, I cared. You're my character, you know?"

"Actually, if you want to be technical, mon ami, I'm Heide's character. You've gone on to other things, like forcing Henri to date beautiful American women. You should be ashamed."

"They were authors, Henri. Strictly professional."

"They were hot, mon ami, and you know what that does to Henri's ecoplasm. I couldn't have been more watered down than the Wicked Witch of the West."

"Henri, you're so silly. Speaking of beautiful American women..."

"Oh, no you don't. You're not going to talk me into traveling to some unforsaken location to interview some beautiful wild thing waiting for Henri to sweep her off her feet. Oh, no you don't. I'm too wise and worldly for that, mon ami."

"Well, I guess I won't tell you then..."

"You get pleasure in teasing Henri, don't you? Don't you get enough nookie from that poker-playing young thing you got shacked up with you?"

"Henri!"

"Just kidding you. Can't you take a joke anymore? Things have sure changed since I was back on earth. I guess you're going to say there's a woman running for President, aren't you? Haha...don't make me laugh."

"Henri...listen..."

"Lalalalala...I can't heeeeear you...lalalala...."

"How would you like to go to California?"

"Lalala...uh...California?"

"Yes, her name is Deborah Woehr. She's on tour in March and she lives in California and she wants you to interview her."

"She asked for me?"

"Oh, yeah, she said, 'Where's that handsome spirit that interviews all the bestselling authors and why can't I have him, too?'"

"She didn't say that."

"Oh, sure, she did! And, look, Henri, she wrote a ghostie book, too. It's called Prosperity: A Ghost Story!"

"A love story?"

"A ghost story, Henri. If you want to find out all about her, go to http://www.deborahwoehr.com/."

"Why does everything have to be about the Internet with you, mon ami? How about I fly out and find out...in person?

"That's what I've been trying to get you to do, Henri! She tours in February, so you've got plenty of time. Hey, where are you going?"

"Mon ami, I'm going to California now...for research, you understand. I've got to walk those bikini-clad beaches to really get in the mood for this, you know?"

"Henri, you're going to get in trouble. I just feel it. Henri? Henri?"