Henri Does Mother's Day a Day Late

Sigh. Mother's Day was yesterday. Henri is a bit saddened because the old broad refused to go to Boo Drop Inn with me last night to celebrate. She said she had a date with the Bell Witch and couldn't get out of it.

So, I went by myself and drowned myself in my own misery.

So, I'm sitting there, slumped down in my seat looking all depressed, when Juicy Jesse sits down beside me. I call her Juicy Jesse as a joke because one night back in the early seventies (oh, Juicy is a ghost, too), we wanted to have a little fun with the mortals and at the time something called CB radios were all the rage. So, we found a car parked outside what they called a grocery store, jumped in and started playing with this CB.

I wanted to hop in the back with Juicy, but she reneagued that idea saying that she wasn't going to be had like that and wanted to play around up front instead. But not with Henri. With the CB.

I didn't know what she had planned, but she's like that. Always full of cool ass ideas to tease the mortals. I loved Juicy for her high-spiritedness, which gave Henri quite a pleasurable feeling even though it didn't involve a roll around in the back seat.

So, Juicy gets on the CB and gets this trucker talking to her.

"What's your name?" he asks.

Now, when you think of Juicy and her high-spiritedness, don't think of anything other than she's out to have a good time. She is definitely a non-sexual kind of ghost as I've tried to have her many times and she just keeps turning ol' Henri down. So I know she's not like that. But, that night, I saw a side of Juicy that made even my own cheeks blush.

"Juicy Jesse," she told the trucker.

Well, I won't go into all that was said being as my MOTHER might start feeling bad about dissing me for the Bell Witch and head over here to read my blog expecting some gushy gushy Happy Mother's Day greeting for her and instead get to read some juicy excerpts of my life which she shouldn't read in the first place, but believe me, it was better than messing around with the girls in Victoria's Secrets. Way better.

Anyway, Jesse became Juicy Jesse after that.

So, I'm sitting in Boo Drop Inn all depressed and Juicy sits down and puts her hand on my head.

She starts rubbing it in a sexual way, but I know not to get my hopes up as Juicy is not like that. However, Henri starts feeling...a little better.

"What's wrong, Henri?" she asks.

I didn't really want to get into it. I just wanted the night to be over. But, Juicy. Dear sweet Juicy. Sitting there wanting to know what was wrong with dear ol' Henri. Rubbing dear ol' Henri's head...round and round and round....

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Juicy, what's wrong with me?"

"What do you mean, Henri?"

"My own mother doesn't want to see me. Is she forgetting I'm not the ugly hump back child that she grew to hate?"

Juicy laughed. "Oh, Henri, your mother doesn't hate you."

"Well, she sure isn't winning the most popular mother of the year award with her wanting to be with everyone else but me on Mother's Day."

My head fell on the table. Juicy tenderly picked it up and put it back on my shoulders.

"Henri," she said, "you really should stop letting your head fall off...it's quite annoying to the other ghosts when it knocks their drinks into their laps. But, I think I know what's really going on here."

I looked up. "You do?"

"Oh sure. You're letting your mortal life interfere with your spirit life."

I scratched my head. "I don't quite understand."

"Henri, listen. Mother's Day is a mortal holiday. We don't celebrate it unless we want to, but...if it upsets you so, why don't you just tell her?"

I folded my arms across my chest and sat back.

"Oh," she said, "Henri is too proud, is he?"

Femme irritante!

"You know--," she continued, "you can be such an ass."

Okay, my night with Juicy Jesse was over and I told her so. I paid my tab and got up to leave when Juicy leans over and says, "You know what your trouble is? You never want to tell your true feelings. It hurts like hell when someone turns you down, so you avoid them. Go to your mother right now and tell her Happy Mother's Day or I'm not ever going to talk to you again."

I didn't know what in the hell she was talking about. True feelings? If I told her my true feelings, she surely wouldn't ever talk to me again. Yeah, Juicy, let's have wild sex and I'll rock your world. What would she say to that?

Henri has a saying. If we men told the women in our life our true feelings, we'd be in the dog house for eternity. And that is why we don't. We just agree with what they are saying and the world becomes a better place.

"You're right, Juicy. You're absolutely right as usual. I'll go tell her. Thank you for waking Henri up to reality."

I don't think she believed me. Women have a way of seeing right through you. Even if you are a ghost.

I left Juicy sitting there and flew back to Ezra's. And popped an email over to Mom.

You know, maybe Juicy had something there. It did feel better.

To all you moms out there, Happy Belated Mother's Day. And to you, Mom, Henri still loves you even though you'd rather spend your time with the Bell Witch. Hmph.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, Mother's Day, Victoria Secrets