Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest

Henri Does Deborah at Disneyland

2008-02-13T19:33:00.000-08:00

It was Valentine’s Day, and I was stuck in between bikinis and Coors Lights stretched out on the sands of Malibu, California. There was a nip in the air, yet there were mortals in fish suits perched on top of fancy, wooden planks riding the waves. I sat there, mesmerized at their foolishness. They would come back drenched in seaweed and barnacle shells, yet the dang fools would get back on their planks and do it again.

I was thinking of how much Juicy hated the water when she was alive and, as far as I knew, still hated to be around the stuff in the afterlife. Me? I was Flipper in another life, believe me. I could do the dog paddle better than any Labrador you’ve ever seen.

But, what I couldn’t understand were mortals with wooden planks and riding the waves like they were at Disneyland or something.

Speaking of Disneyland, I had a noon appointment with one of Tour Coordinator's authors, Deborah Woehr, in front of The Haunted Mansion. I was to interview her for her PROSPERITY: A GHOST STORY VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR, but I had strict instructions to never reveal that I was indeed a ghost. I’m not sure what the reasoning in that one was because it’s not like I’m the scariest thing put on earth, but I had to abide by Tour Coordinator's rules.

She picked The Haunted Mansion because I figured if I did anything of the ghostly persuasion, Deborah would think it was all part of the act. So, be it, but I had a stinking suspicion I was going to have fun with this.

I figured – what the heck – I’d go over and check out this Haunted Mansion as I had heard there was some gossip about a few spirits that were hanging out there. I thought, cool, I’ll take a few Coors Lights with me and see what was up until I had to interview Deborah at noon. Who knows – I could see one of my long, lost relatives, right?

There was usual Disneyland crowd – tourists, stay-at-home moms with their kidlets, new marrieds – as I floated through the mob until I came to the front of The Haunted Mansion.

I had to laugh because if this was to scare people, they haven’t seen nothing yet. I’d seen more haunted mansions than anyone, and I thought, wouldn’t it be oh-so-cool just to have a little fun before my interview with Deborah?

In my invisible state, I could really show them what haunted was, you know?

So, I flew past through the door and looked for prey. Nothing. Not an innocent mortal kidlet in sight. And then…

I saw her through the open door. An image of beauty. Her long dark hair shone in the California sun and I knew it was love at first sight and I thought, this can’t be the young thing I was supposed to be interviewing! God love tour coordinator.

I materialized quickly and walked out the door looking quite debonair, if I say so myself. I quickly snapped off an Oriental Lily from a shrub nearby to gain some brownie points.

Handing her the lily, I introduced myself.

“Hi Deborah. I’m Henri who is supposed to interview you for your virtual book tour.”

She said, "Hi, Henri! It's nice to meet you."

I was fighting the Valentine’s Day bug – the kind of bug that finds Cupids flying around your head and shooting arrows into your heart – but I kept calm. Collected. Cool Man Luke, that was me.

“Shall we partake of a beverage? What is your choice?”

"A Pepsi would be great."

I was thinking of offering her a swig of my Coors Light to loosen her inhibitions, but sensibility took hold of me. Dammit. I headed over to the concession stand, paid for a Pepsi, and handed it to her.

She took the Pepsi from my hand as if I had just awarded her with a dozen roses. What a lady.

“I understand you are on that wretched tour coordinator's virtual book tour where she sends harmless and beautiful women like yourself out into the virtual highway to sell books. Have you ever sold books this way before?”

"Nope. This is my first time on a book tour. I'm meeting all kinds of people and visiting some great blogs that I didn't know were out there."

As she talked, her smile melted my heart.

“Deborah, before we get any further, I must tell you something, but when I tell you this, I don’t want you to be afraid, okay?”

"Okay."

“I’m a ghost. Are you afraid of ghosts?”

"Really? I would have never guessed because you look so normal. I've watched way too many movies. I'm more fascinated by ghosts than afraid of them. However, I must admit that I would probably gasp if I saw one of my deceased loved ones walk around the corner."

“Well, I’m not the poltergeist kind of ghost…oh no…I’m friendly…think Casper, you know?”

"I've always liked Casper."

Ah…so she was a Casper-liking kind of woman! This made Henri tingly in the ectoplasm department for sure.

“Of course Juicy doesn’t think I’m very nice ditching her the way I did, but sometimes a ghost has to do what a ghost has to do, you know? Juicy is my girlfriend – or was my girlfriend – but I just wanted some space, you know?”

"I understand."

“Deborah, do you have a ghost in your book and does he have a girlfriend like Juicy? I mean, is she a possessive kind of ghost?”

"I have a whole slew of them. One of them is possessive and mean. Her name is Myra, and she's very jealous of Amanda, who is now living in her lover's house."

“Mean? What do you mean mean?”

"Myra was very similar to the Glenn Close character in Fatal Attraction. She wanted her man, and she would do anything to get him."

Suddenly an image of Juicy crossed my mind.

“The title of your book, Prosperity: A Ghost Story. What is Prosperity? Is that the name of your ghost?”

"Prosperity was a once-thriving town that was nearly wiped out by the 1918 Influenza Pandemic. It's now a literal ghost town."

“Ohhh…now you’re cooking. I remember Prosperity. If memory serves me right, it’s near Joplin, Montana? Were you aware that there really was a ghost town there named Prosperity when you wrote the book?”

“Nope. (grin) What's funny is that I've been researching haunted places for almost two years for the Paranormal Watch blog and never stumbled upon this place. It wasn't until I did a Google search for my book last week that I found this place. Here’s one link: http://www.normantranscript.com/localnews/local_story_295010905.”

“What’s a Paranormal Watch blog? Is this where you watch over ghosties?”

“Yes. I also cover UFOs, strange anomalies, time travel, and anything remotely spooky or weird. You can find it at http://www.paranormalwatch.com/.”

“Deborah, why did you want to write about ghosts and not some other creature of the night? Not that we’re creatures, of course; we’re just like anybody else of course except we might be able to change realms and all that, but why not vampires or werewolves? Do you hate vampires and werewolves, too?”

"I have several reasons for writing about ghosts. One is that they contradict everything I've been taught in Sunday School. Why haven't they gone to heaven or hell? What is keeping them here? It's the mystery of their lives that fascinates me. Vampires and werewolves have never done much for me, although I'm not sure why."

“Vampires and werewolves don’t do it for me either, mon petite fleur. And the answer to why they haven’t gone to heaven or hell is simply that heaven and hell is totally individual. Actually, it’s realms. What mortals perceive heaven to be is actually the top realm and hell would be the lower realm. For each of our lives, we climb either up or down…it all depends on what life lessons you learn in each realm. Does that make sense to you?”

“That makes perfect sense. One of my favorite books is Blessings in Disguise, by Barbara Rommer, where she discusses the different kinds of near death experiences from people of all walks of life. Some experienced bliss, while others experienced torment because of their misguided beliefs and/or deeds.”

“When you were writing your book, did you feel ghosts around you?”

"There were many nights when I would either see something move out of the corner of my eye or sense something behind me. Nothing was ever there, so I blamed it on 12+ hours at the computer."

“If you were sitting at your computer and I happened to pop in, would that make you nervous?”

"At first. But I consider myself an adaptable person."

“Have you ever dated a ghost before?”

"Not to my knowledge (grin)."

“If I asked you for a date for a ride through The Haunted Mansion over there, would you accept?”

"Sure. You seem friendly enough."

Henri is good!!!

“Okay, okay, I never miss an opportunity to hit upon beautiful 21st century woman from California. Not that I was hitting upon you. Was I hitting upon you? Would you like Henri to hit upon you? Haha…bad Henri. Deborah, can you tell us more what your book is about?”

"You are such a charmer, Henri! Okay, back to my book. It's about an embattled clairvoyant who must change her attitude about the afterlife before she can avenge the ghost who was lynched for a murder he didn't commit."

“How did you come up with idea for book?”

"Actually, this idea came to me from my eighth grade science teacher, who was also a writer. After we completed our class assignment, he would tell us stories about my home town. One of these stories was about two men, who kidnapped and murdered the son of a prominent businessman back in the 30s. They were caught and lynched. The way he described the story left quite an impression on me. So much so that I bought the book that chronicled the events that led up to that lynching."

“Do you plan more ghostie stories?”

"Yes, I do. Thank you for asking. I'm almost finished with the first chapter of the rough draft. There's no title yet, but I have the setting."

“Well, interview over, my beautiful 21st century American woman friend. If I wanted to buy your book, where should Henri do that?”

"Right now, it's available on Lulu (http://www.lulu.com/content/1662022). It should be available on Amazon by the beginning of March."

“I shall check this out and I hope my beautiful 21st century fans will do the same. Now, would you like to ride Haunted Mansion ride with Henri?”

"Thank you, Henri. I am honored. And, yes, I would love to ride the Haunted Mansion with you."
And there we were – just the two of us - one ghost, one ghostie writer - riding into the sunset through the Haunted Mansion. Thank you, tour coordinator, wherever you are.

Incidentally, Deborah is on a virtual book tour this month. Leave a comment in Henri’s comment box and you could win a copy of Deborah’s book!

See you on the other side!

Technorati Tags:
Deborah Woehr, Henri the Ghostest with the Mostest, Henri Montmorency, virtual book tour, virtual blog tour, virtual author tour, Prosperity A Ghost Story, Disneyland, The Haunted Mansion, paranormal author, ghost book, Prosperity
Add to: Technorati Digg del.icio.us Yahoo BlinkList Spurl reddit Furl

Going to California

2008-01-12T19:34:00.000-08:00

"Henri!"

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you call me that you were back in town - err - on earth?"

"I didn't think you'd care."

"What do you mean? I didn't care?"

"Well, I...just didn't."

"Henri, what did your therapist tell you? Stop being so down on yourself; of course, I cared. You're my character, you know?"

"Actually, if you want to be technical, mon ami, I'm Heide's character. You've gone on to other things, like forcing Henri to date beautiful American women. You should be ashamed."

"They were authors, Henri. Strictly professional."

"They were hot, mon ami, and you know what that does to Henri's ecoplasm. I couldn't have been more watered down than the Wicked Witch of the West."

"Henri, you're so silly. Speaking of beautiful American women..."

"Oh, no you don't. You're not going to talk me into traveling to some unforsaken location to interview some beautiful wild thing waiting for Henri to sweep her off her feet. Oh, no you don't. I'm too wise and worldly for that, mon ami."

"Well, I guess I won't tell you then..."

"You get pleasure in teasing Henri, don't you? Don't you get enough nookie from that poker-playing young thing you got shacked up with you?"

"Henri!"

"Just kidding you. Can't you take a joke anymore? Things have sure changed since I was back on earth. I guess you're going to say there's a woman running for President, aren't you? Haha...don't make me laugh."

"Henri...listen..."

"Lalalalala...I can't heeeeear you...lalalala...."

"How would you like to go to California?"

"Lalala...uh...California?"

"Yes, her name is Deborah Woehr. She's on tour in March and she lives in California and she wants you to interview her."

"She asked for me?"

"Oh, yeah, she said, 'Where's that handsome spirit that interviews all the bestselling authors and why can't I have him, too?'"

"She didn't say that."

"Oh, sure, she did! And, look, Henri, she wrote a ghostie book, too. It's called Prosperity: A Ghost Story!"

"A love story?"

"A ghost story, Henri. If you want to find out all about her, go to http://www.deborahwoehr.com/."

"Why does everything have to be about the Internet with you, mon ami? How about I fly out and find out...in person?

"That's what I've been trying to get you to do, Henri! She tours in February, so you've got plenty of time. Hey, where are you going?"

"Mon ami, I'm going to California now...for research, you understand. I've got to walk those bikini-clad beaches to really get in the mood for this, you know?"

"Henri, you're going to get in trouble. I just feel it. Henri? Henri?"

I'm baaack...

2008-01-09T13:08:00.000-08:00

Good news for you Henri fans. Henri is back in town!

It took me a few times in therapy to realize that just because my book is no longer available, it's no reason not to keep on living, now is there? Of course, Henri does his living in the post-mortem style, but that's neither here nor there, is it?

To catch up, therapy was a blast. I met...a nice young female (don't tell Juicy!) who was in there for the very same thing I was. In fact, you would be amazed at this place. It's hard to tell you where it was because mortals have a different set of rules they play where geography is concerned, but let me tell you, it's not at all like therapy for mortals.

This, actually, is a place where spirits go to detox from earthly wants. It's for spirits who stay on earth too long and start feeling they are mortals, not that it's a bad thing, mind you, but we spirits have to stay non-grounded, if youknowwhattamean.

They finally released me last Sunday and I am allowed to come back for short visits. So, during this time, I will be posting on my blog and catching up with my friends and trying to find Juicy, who I think has slipped to another realm. Has anyone felt her around?

No problem. Once she senses I'm back on earth, she'll find me.

Okay, lots to do...oh, reminder, I haven't taken my book info off the blog because Henri is STILL a writer and loves his book even thought you can't order it anymore because the wretched publisher disappeared...but...therapist tells Henri to forget that and go on, so go on I must.

Nice to be back and I hope to visit all of you soon!

Henri Lets It All Hang Out

2007-10-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid my dear mon ami Alysabeth has brought me out of how do you 21st century homo sapiens call it...lurkdom? Actually, Henri has been having some issues and the therapist lady tells me I need to write thoughts down. The last thing that Henri wants to do is write because something happened. Something terrible has happened which made me check into another dimension to clear my thoughts.

The truth of the matter is I cannot hold my head up. It's hard enough that it's semi-attached, but that's another issue not related at all.

You see, it's something I have learned about being an author. It's that they can take away your title as fast as they give it to you and the sad thing about it is that I have done nothing about it but run off into the nether and hide my face in shame.

Henri was finally something, you know? And not only that, I had acquired a lot of friends who were rooting for me, egging me on to do things that I did not think were possible of Henri. I have met so many wonderful people and now I know those wonderful people are not going to come to Henri and laugh at what Henri says anymore. I'm beating around the tree because the truth is hard to come out, but I must let it out.

My book is gone. All of it. The lady at Mardi Gras Publishing could not handle the stress, so I heard, and took off. I don't know where she is, but I know she's in hiding. Where I have been in another dimension, I have not thought to come back to this realm and look for her and wring her scrawny, little...ah...bad Henri.

And what is bad also is that you cannot buy my book anymore, so PLEASE DON'T. The money will go to the wench instead. I don't even know if I have the rights to it anymore because it is tied up in legal mumbo jumbo. Something about if the judge doesn't approve her bankruptcy, the rights remain with her. I not understand all of it.

So, I'm the ghost without a book. But, you know, I might be a ghost without a book, but I still am a ghost with a story. A mighty fine story, but it saddens me to think about it.

And, so, I know not what to do.

Henri Does PG Forte

2007-08-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

Ohhhh…la….la….I get to interview an EROTIC ROMANCE AUTHOR. Can we say this is up Henri’s alley?

I’m over here at Camp SoYouWannaSeeAGhost. I arrived on Monday and checked in. I had to materialize so that the camp directors would realize the baggage I was carrying didn’t have a life of its own…haha. But they know Henri is a ghost, how do 21st century mortals say everything’s okay? Ahhh…it’s all good.

I arrived on Saturday and I’ll have to go into the details when I’m not in so much hurry, but the gang loves me. No one knows I’m a ghost yet and I’m having fun playing Casper with them. More details later.

In a few minutes, a big author is coming to the camp to be interviewed by moi as she’s on a virtual book tour and couldn’t wait until I returned home.

I made sure the kids were on a field trip so that I could have her complete attention.

It was time to meet erotic romance writer, so I grabbed my picnic basket and headed out back. It was beautiful. I even had a babbling brook nearby for a nice atmospheric touch.

I spread the blanket out and sat down, trying to remember what important things to ask her…like…was she single? Very important question to single Henri.

And there she was. She was beautiful.

I jumped up and shook her hand.

“Nice to have you visit our little camp,” I told her. “And your name is PG Forte, is that correct?”
I didn’t want to put the moves on her too fast; I knew how to work it.

"Yes, that's right," she says. "It's a pleasure to meet you Henri."

"Likewise! And can you tell us what PG stands for?"

"Sure. But, I have to warn you, it's not nearly as intriguing as you might think. My original first and last names are very long and I'm somewhat lazy so I shortened them all the way down to their initials and added my husband's last name, Forte."

"I love it! Shall we begin by asking you what your latest book is about?"

"Okay. Waiting for the Big One is about what happens when one woman's quest for true love and ultimate pleasure is complicated by two gorgeous men.

"The woman, Gabby, is an aspiring actress and a dog walker. Up until now she's refused to even consider her best friend--a very sexy, Scorpio Yoga instructor by the name of Derek--for the role of soul mate because she's afraid sex will ruin their friendship. Both she and Derek are playing a waiting game and getting pretty darn sick of it.

"When Gabby meets Zach, the super-hot, rock guitarist who's just moved into her building, she's convinced her wait is finally over. It's up to Derek to convince her that he--not Zach--is destined to be the big love of her life."

"And why did you decide to write erotic romance? I know the subject comes up frequently, does it not?"

"Yes, it does! LOL! My wonderful critique partners pushed me into it. They dared me to write an erotic short story with an Astrology theme for a contest. They knew I can never resist a challenge."

"I understand you are on your last week of your virtual book tour. What have you thought about it so far? I know tour coordinator can be a slave driver. Do you think she’s a slave driver, too?"

"Oh, not at all! But, then again, I've been called the Queen of Angst and Torment due to my treatment of some of my characters (mostly my heroes, I must admit) so perhaps she and I are extending each other some professional courtesy? We slave drivers have to stick together you know. LOL!

I've been loving the tour. It's so much fun to visit all these sites and chat with such interesting characters, such as you, Henri. ;)"

"Oh, you make me blush! How important do you think it is to promote your book? I always thought the publisher would do that for me. What are your thoughts on that?"

"Oh, yes. In a perfect world authors would be free to devote themselves solely to writing. In this reality, however, we have to wear several hats. And while publisher promotion is invaluable for a book's success no one is going to push your book harder (and perhaps better) than you.

Besides, I think I'd miss interacting with my readers if I left everything up to my publisher or someone else."

"Okay, I have a question about promoting. I write paranormal because if you didn’t know it, I’m a ghost. Boo! No, really I am. Don’t be frightened; think Casper, the friendly ghost. Anyway, I write paranormal and I was wondering what you would suggest to me to get more sales?"

"Oh, I'm not frightened. I have several ghost characters myself. I'll have to introduce you.

As for sales...ooh, that's the big question, isn't it? The things that have worked the best for me, in the past, have been online events (such as this book tour) ads and reviews."

"Now, that title, WAITING FOR THE BIG ONE. What exactly are you waiting for?"

"Well, it's Gabby who's waiting, but why don't I let her tell you about that in her own words?"

So, there I was, stuck at yet another red light, when it hit me. It wasn’t just me who was waiting and it wasn’t just now. All of Los Angeles was in the same boat, all of us, all the time, waiting for the big one.

For most of us, that means our big break, our shot at seeing our name in a star on the Walk of Fame. It’s the role that’ll lift us out of obscurity. It’s the hit that’ll soar to the top of the charts. We’re all hopeful romantics--like Kathleen Turner, in Romancing the Stone. We’re always certain it’ll happen with the next deal we make, the next audition we go out on, the next person we meet.

Take me, for instance. Any day now, with just a little bit of luck, I could go from being plain old Gabby Browne, aspiring actress and dog walker, to Academy Award Winner, Gabriella Giacomo.

And if fame doesn’t get us, no doubt the earthquake will. That’s the other thing everybody’s waiting for, the big eight point, nine point, ten point shaker that scientists say is bound to occur. The one that’ll rock this town to its knees. Even hopeful romantics have to admit it seems inevitable. How could any place with this much surface glamour not be doomed?

But this morning, I was waiting for something a little more personal. I was waiting for The Big O: the elusive, G-spot, ultra orgasm, the kind I’d heard about, read about, yearned for, but had not yet experienced.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I’d never had an orgasm or anything. But, to date, they’d all been the standard issue, plain vanilla kind. Nice, but nothing I couldn’t give myself any day of the week if I wanted. What I was hoping for was something more life-altering, soul-searing, rock-my-world passion. I knew it was out there, waiting for me. All I needed was the right guy to help me find it.

I knew he was out there, too. He was my Twin Flame, my Split Apart, my Tantric Soul mate; the man who would love me madly, passionately, loudly. All night long. They say good things come to those who wait, and I was certainly counting on that being true, but he was taking a long time to get here, and I was growing impatient."

"Ooooh, la, la! Okay, now that we’ve talked about your book and promoting that book and the big one, let’s talk about PG Forte, the woman. Are you single?"

"No, I've been very happily married for quite some time to my own very sexy Scorpio--who didn't mind at all that Gabby and I poked fun at his Astrological sign. ;) "

"Do you play around with ghosts?"

"I guess that would depend on how you define 'play'."

"Would you like a date sometime?"

"Henri, if I'm ever single again, you'll be the first one I call."

"Okay, okay, I’ve interrogated you enough, mon ami. Can you tell everyone where they can pick up a copy of your latest book, WAITING FOR THE BIG ONE?"

"I'd be happy to. You can purchase it (along with the second book in the series, Love From A to Z) direct from my publisher, Liquid Silver Books (http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/).

Here's the direct link to my titles:
http://www.king-cart.com/cgi-bin/cart.cgi?store=linda018&category=P.G.+Forte "

"Thank you for coming to my little abode in the woods, PG, and hope to see you around reeeeal soon!"

"Thank you, Henri. I hope to see you again soon too."

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, erotic romance, PG Forte

Henri Does Marilyn Celeste Morris

2007-07-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

They call the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens "sanctuary for the senses" and I thought no better place to interview Mademoiselle Marilyn Celeste Morris in a place as beautiful as she. Oooo. La. La.

I'd never been to Fort Worth Botanic Gardens, much less Fort Worth, Texas, but this was the place my next interviewee and I were to meet for a little chit chat. Tour coordinator said I'd have fun because she knew Mademoiselle Marilyn very well and considered her one of her closest friends, so she sent me on a mission - to interview the lovely lady for her The Women of Camp Sobingo Virtual Book Tour that's running to the end of this month.

Fort Worth was an interesting place to do this, too, and the Botanic Gardens here were as beautiful as could be for this time of year. I figured they must have one humungous water bill with all the thousands of native and exotic species of plants in over 100 acres that they have here. I made a mental note to stop off at the Rose Gardens as roses were my passion, even though I'm a such a macho kind of ghost, as you know...haha.

I was growing nervous by the minute. Mademoiselle Marilyn was a way better writer than I was and had published many, many books to my one. I tried not to let that destroy my already deflated ego and decided I’d talk to her as if she was like anyone else.

But how can you help not be intimidated? Her latest book, THE WOMEN OF CAMP SOBINGO, was destined to be a bestseller. I knew it. I felt it in my bones. What a wonderful story of four Army wives who discover their inner strength while they cope with living in a military compound in a faraway primitive country right after WWII.

Interesting time of history and Henri could not wait to interview this magnificent and gifted woman.

It grew to be very hot, so I sat down on one of the park benches near the waterfall and that’s when I saw her. She was fanning herself as she made her way toward me (I had to materialize during the interview or she wouldn’t have seen me, of course).

“You must be Henri,” she said, sitting down beside me. My heart started doing pitter-patters and I pulled out my notes of questions to ask her, then threw them on the ground. I was going to do this interview with no props. Completely au naturelle.

“Bonjour Mademoiselle Marilyn,” I said, feeling a lump forming in my throat. “So glad you could make it. Weather’s quite warm, isn’t it?”

"Well, it’s July in North Central Texas," she replied. "What would you expect?"

Tough cookie! I liked that. “Hope your trip to these lovely botanic gardens was worth it to give Henri an interview. Have you ever been here before?”

"Oh, yes, many times. I love the Japanese Gardens, especially. Soothing and serene. That’s what we’re all looking for."

And some of us are looking for a little more......

“I hear you’ve been many, many places, Mademoiselle Marilyn. Far off places. Do you think that being as you went to all these far off places, it make you better writer for book?”

"Yes. I kind of soaked up atmosphere, scenery, people and languages. A knowledge of history helps, too."

I had to get this woman to open up more. I decided to do for the gut.

“Tell me, what is the most wonderful place you ever been?”

I figured she would say here. With me. Just the two of us.

"You mean, with my clothes on?"

She grinned an infectious grin and I knew she was catching some of Henri's vibes. I expected her to throw off her clothes and let Henri have good time; but, alas, she just kept talking.

"Well, it would have to be Austria," she continued. "I lived there for three years when my dad, an army officer, was stationed there with the US Occupation Forces. If given a diagnosis of only six weeks to live, I would go immediately to Austria and die happy."

If I could have Mademoiselle Marilyn just one time, I would die happy. Wait. I'm already dead. I think I would need to rephrase that.

I was starting to really warm to this woman. Although in this heat, it wasn’t hard to do; but, still, she was so open with Henri and kind. I could picture date with her and much, much more. But, I wanted to know more about this lovely woman who wrote many books. I needed to know her secrets....

“Mademoiselle Marilyn, can you tell Henri why you wrote The Women of Camp Sobingo?”

"It came out of writing my book, Once a Brat, where I related that one of my mother’s bridge-playing friends committed suicide when we lived in that army compound in primitive, 1946, Seoul, Korea. I always wondered why a person would do such a thing; other women evidently had more coping skills and a more stable background than she did. The story just grew from there."

Those lips. It was hard for Henri to remain calm and collected, but interview was first or tour coordinator would send Henri’s head rolling across the parkway.

“Sooooo, how about those Yankees?”

Oops, wrong state. I was getting nervous. She laughed which sent tingles inside Henri.

“I’m sorry, Mademoiselle Marilyn. Tour coordinator has me so nervous. She told me you were a hottie…well…you certainly live up to your title. Let’s try to change the subject, shall we? So how is your virtual tour going? You know I toured last month and I have to tell you, Mademoiselle, it was a lot of work. How has it been for you?”

"A hottie? Pardon me while I laugh. As for work, yes, it’s a lot of work to promote your work. I’d rather be writing, like many authors who lack the promoting gene, but luckily, I have Dorothy for that."

Dorothy. Tour coordinator. Tour coordinator from hell. Slave driving tour coordinator from hell who makes Henri blog and promote and go on tours and...well, you get the picture. I couldn't understand why this woman of great pleasure loved her so. Must be a woman thing. They always stick together on things like that, something I'd never understand.

“How else have you been promoting your book besides the tour?”

That was for tour coordinator so if she reads this, my head will stay on top of shoulders.

"I recently sent word to my high school alumni association newsletter editor and asked her if she would mind doing a little Blatant Self-Promotion and told her about my writing career," she said. "She’s thrilled that we have a published author in our midst, so she said yes. And I gave a copy of my Once a Brat book to my son-in-law’s stepmother at my daughter’s wedding last month, and she is spreading the word about all my books. I will also be speaking at the singles class at the First United Methodist Church in downtown Fort Worth next month and will have brochures on hand to direct people to where they can buy my books. Also will be signing books at the Overseas Brats homecoming on August 3rd, and will plug my other books there, too. And further down the calendar, I will be on radio, in Weatherford, TX (just outside of Fort Worth) to discuss The Women of Camp Sobingo, and in particular, e publishing."

I could hear a voice calling my name. I looked up and Mademoiselle Marilyn was peering into my face. I was flat on my back. I apologized, saying I hadn't had breakfast that morning, and let her pull me to my feet. I guess the full extent of promoting had knocked me out. Is this what book promoting is all about? Where are the good times and the Coors Light and fishing down at the pond with Boo?

I gathered my composure and continued with the interview. “Do you have other books you’d like me to mention in your interview?”

"Heh. I think I just did," she laughed sensuously. "There’s the book about my military brat life, Once a Brat, which covers my travels with my army officer father from 1938 – 1958 (yes, Henri, I’m that old! Now do you still think I’m a hottie?)"

Uh, shall I remind her how old I am? *grin*

"And my first novel, Sabbath’s Room, a paranormal murder mystery set in the Texas Hill Country; and my book about my struggles with Lupus: Diagnosis: Lupus: The Intimate Journal of a Lupus Patient. Those other books are in print by PublishAmerica and available on Amazon. This book is my first venture into e publishing and we’ll see how that goes.

"Incidentally, my dear Henri, Mardi Gras Publishing is known mainly for its – er – erotic novels. (Do you see the come-hither look in my eyes?)"

A woman after my own heart. My life's story was one big erotic novel after another. I was liking this woman from the lone star state.

“Okay, I do have to ask this. Do you blog? That was for tour coordinator, too. She is such a slave driving blogging fool and insists I blog more than I have been. Why, in your own words, do you think it’s necessary?”

"The more you put out there on the Internet," she said, "the more known you become, at least in certain circles, such as the Military Brat community with my Once a Brat Book Blog http://www.onceabratbookblog.blogspot.com/

With families and friends of persons with lupus: http://www.theladywithlupus.blogspot.com/

My blog about the supernatural cat who solves a murder, http://www.sabbathsroom.blogspot.com/
Besides my “rants” blog, http://www./yagotmestarted.blogspot.com/
And my blog for writing miscellaneous, http://www./mywritersworld.blogspot.com/

So, yeah, blogging is important. Dorothy is such a slave driver, you are right. But she’s also a good and patient teacher for those of us afflicted with the absence of the Promo Gene. Look, she’s even using YOU, a ghost, to promote my book."

Touche! But, there was a lot for Henri in this which the lovely lady would find out later. So, use me, baby, use me.

“Okay, that wraps it up. I won’t keep you out in this heat any longer. Do you think that maybe we might be able to hook up sometime?”

No need to beat around the bush in this heat.

"Maybe around Halloween? I’ll bring my book about a black cat that used to belong to a witch and we’ll discuss whether anybody on The Other Side might be interested in it."

Ohhhh....la....la! My cheeks blushed. What a wonderful woman. I got her number and told her we’d catch a movie sometime.

“Thanks for coming, Marilyn. I understand you will be on tour coordinator’s blog, Pump Up Your Book Promotion on Wednesday. I’ll see you then. If I don’t see you sooner. *wink wink*”

"Of course. A movie would be great. Call me."

Be. Still. My. Ghostie. Heart.

I watched Mademoiselle Marilyn stride out to her car. She was an angel. Do check out her book, THE WOMEN OF CAMP SOBINGO at Mardis Gras Publishing. I know I’ll be checking her out…reeeeeeeeeeal soon.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel, Marilyn Celeste Morris, women's fiction, Fort Worth, Fort Worth Botanic Gardens

Henri Does A Little Catching Up and Great News!

2007-07-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

I just got news that Camp SoYouWannaSeeAGhost starts August 1…wooohoo for Henri! Don’t worry, my 21st century friends, I will be blogging as I will take my trusty laptopper with me.

I leave Tuesday evening for two glorious weeks in the mountains of Tennessee…wooohoo. I love wooohoo. Henri is picking up on slang pretty good, n’est pas?

Oh, excusez-moi, but the phone is ringing and Ezra isn’t home. You 21st century friends sit tight. Henri will be right back. Grab a Coors out of the fridge if you want.

“Bonjour? Yes. No. Oh my. I’m on it. Thanks!”

Wooohooo, I get to go to Texas tomorrow to interview Marilyn Celeste Morris, author of THE WOMEN OF CAMP SOBINGO! Henri loves flying to far off places and tour coordinator says Marilyn is known to be a hottie, so I am there! Tune in tomorrow, mes amis, and Henri will tell you all about it!

Bon suit!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel, Marilyn Celeste Morris, women's fiction

Henri Does Jane Green

2007-07-15T18:00:00.001-07:00

Henri couldn't wait to post that title!

Camp SoYouWannaSeeAGhost was postponed, so I took tour coordinator up on her offer to interview what 21st century Americans call a NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER. I hear that's a good thing to be. Last I heard, she was #12 on THE LIST and that's supposed to be a good thing, too.

I told tour coordinator that it made Henri a wee bit nervous to be interviewing someone of that greatness and she said, "Henri, Jane Green is just like anyone else. Be yourself and everything will go fine."

What tour coordinator doesn't understand and this is what I understand, too, that Jane Green is NOT like anyone else I know of. She is tres beau in Henri's book. Ohh. La. La.

Anyway, Jane is coming any minute and Henri has to gulp down a few Coors Light to steady nerves. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

Better. There she is!!!! Do I look all right? Do I look suave et sophistiqué? Is my head on straight? Okay...wish me luck!!!!

Henri: Thank you for coming to visit Henri, Mademoiselle Jane! Henri has been looking forward to your visit all month and finally I get a chance to ask you questions! Are you ready?

Jane: I think so...

Henri: First, I want to tell you how much I admire your work and I’m very impressed that you made this NY Times Bestseller list. Can I ask what the bestseller list is all about and how did you get your book there?

Jane: Sales, sales and sales. Whilst I haven't done as much PR this year as in previous years, I think I have an incredibly loyal bunch of readers who go out and buy my book as soon as it comes out. I also try and stay in touch with them via my website - http://www.janegreen.com/ and
www.myspace.com/janegreenbooks, so I can let them know when things are happening and when books are coming out.

Henri: Mademoiselle Jane, you make Henri’s heart flutter. I am new at interviews, so if I ask something that is off the wall, please excuse me, but since I’m dying to ask, are you married?

Jane: Happily co-habiting with my beloved.

Henri: Oh. Well, then Henri doesn’t have a snowball chance in Egypt?

Jane: 'Fraid not.

Henri: Do you have any 21st century daughters that do not have marriage partner?

Jane: I have one, but she's currently five years old, which I think may be a little young...

Henri: Okay, okay. I’ve just been smacked on head by tour coordinator. I must get to Second Chances now. This is something they are calling a chick lit book? What exactly is a chick lit book and why do they call it that?

Jane: Originally chick lit started with Bridget Jones's Diary, but it came to mean a fluffy commercial novel about a single-twenty-something who was looking for Mr Right. Now I would argue it encompasses women's fiction of all ages, and it's defining characteristics are realism
and emotional honesty - good chick lit will reflect the lives real women are living today, whether they are twenty, or in my case, thirty, forty and fifty somethings.

Henri: I do not know if you know this, Mademoiselle Jane, but I am a ghost. Do you write about ghosts?

Jane: I haven't thus far, but I once wanted to.

Henri: Are you afraid of ghosts?

Jane: Only poltergeists.

Henri: You make Henri chuckle. Okay, back to book. Can you tell 21st century mortals what book is about?

Jane: Second Chance is the story of a group of people who were best friends in high school, and have drifted apart in the years since.

Now, approaching their forties, one of them, Tom, boards the train for New York City as he has done many times before, for a run-of-the-mill business trip. When the train is destroyed in a terrorism attack, he leaves behind him a wife and children, and, scattered across the globe,
four friends whose lives he has touched forever.

In this new book, I explore how loss and grief can make way for a new start in life, and new possibilities. My four heroes have barely spoken to each other since college, but come together one night to remember and celebrate their lost common pal, Tom. And in the weeks and months that follow, Tom himself seems to be setting life-changing events into action.

For Paul, it means a second chance at a family, even though he and his wife are beyond hope. For Saffron, it means a chance to conquer her addictions and really learn how to love. For Olivia, it means a one-night stand with a friend of Tom’s that leaves her pregnant—with a big
decision to make. And for Holly it means another chance to escape her unhappy marriage and meet the dashing man who might be the key to changing it.

From midlife crises, adultery, divorce, infertility and pregnancy, Tom binds them all together, encouraging them to make difficult decisions about living their lives every day. The result is a second chance at happiness for all of the characters, if they are brave enough to take the next step.

Henri: This book sounds like something Henri would love to read! Can you tell us who your publisher is and how has your experiences with them been? How have they helped you promote your book?

Jane: I was with Random House for years, and the last three books have been published by Penguin. They take on an indepent PR - Goldberg McDuffie, who organise all the publicity and events/readings etc.

Henri: That last question was for tour coordinator. She’s into this pump up thing. Can I level with you, Jane?

Jane: Absolutely.

Henri: She’s a slave driver. Always making Henri promote book. What kind of advice would you give someone who is new at promoting books? How can I get my book on this NY Times bestseller list like you?

Jane: Sadly there is no magic formula, but online marketing is become more and more important - blogs are now vital for getting the word out.

Henri: And don’t you have to go from city to city promoting books if you have big NY publisher who published book?

Jane: You do. The more they pay for the book via an advance, the more likely they are to put money into marketing and expect you to put the work in to the promoting, which usually involves events around the country.

Henri: It sounds like a lot of work!

Jane: Exhausting and exhilerating in equal measure, but the best part, for me, is getting to actually meet my readers - twelve years on the thrill is just as great.

Henri: Well, Mademoiselle Jane, it’s been real fun. I do wish you’d stop by Henri’s place again. Where can my 21st century readers find you on the Internet if they want to buy your book?

Jane: amazon.com

Henri: Thank you for coming and I hope you sell lots of books!

Jane: Thank you so much, and good luck to you too...

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel, Jane Green, chick lit

Henri Does Jamieson Wolf, Author of The Ghost Mirror

2007-07-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

Henri has a special guest today! My mortal friend, Jamieson Wolf, is here with us today to talk about his book, The Ghost Mirror! Spooky and right up my alley! Jamieson, so I understand it is tour coordinator's right arm, whatever that is supposed to mean. Twentieth-century mortals can be quite confusing.

But, anyway, all I know is that he has written a book about ghosties like me and would like the chance to talk about it. Henri loves ghostie stories, tee hee. For one thing, I like to rip them apart. Mortals have a field day with ghosts and spirits and bumps in the night, but The Ghost Mirror was far from being an embellished tale of spirits put in a bad light. I rather enjoyed it myself and this is coming from a ghost, himself!

So, let's see what Monsier Jamieson has to say about his brand new book, The Ghost Mirror!

Henri: Thank you for coming to Henri's little abode on the net, Monsier Jamieson. Can you tell us what your book, The Ghost Mirror, is all about?

Jamieson:Hello Henri! It's great to talk to you again and thank you for having me!

The Ghost Mirror is about Mave Mallory, a thirteen year old girl, who goes to live with her grandmother. While living with her Grandmother, she discovers a mirror in the attic.

She steps through the mirror when trying to rescue her friend and finds herself in a strange world where magic is real. She discovers that she has powers, magic, that runs beneath her skin. In reality, she is the Last Witch and there is something that wants Mave's soul very badly.

Mr. Lavender, an eater of souls, knows what Mave is. Her soul burns brighter than any soul he has ever seen and he wants her magic for his own.

Mave must lean to use the magic inside her if she is to defeat Mr. Lavender and save her world...and our own.

Henri: As you know I am an author myself and my genre, the paranormal, comes quite natural with me. Do you find it comes natural with you?

Jamieson: It seems to. There was a while where I was trying to write the Great Canadian Novel but in the end I just stuck with writing what I enjoyed the most.

A lot of my work tends to be in the paranormal or speculative fiction variety. It just seems to be what I want to write. It's what I most enjoy at any rate. :)

Henri: Do you like ghosts?

Jamieson: Now, Henri! Of course I do! I find they're great story tellers and are really good practical jokers.

Henri: Have you ever seen a ghost?

Jamieson:I've only ever seen one. It was when I was younger. I was in my bedroom and saw a bright, white orb floating in front of me. When I tried to touch it, it flittered around my room and then vanished.

But it left me with a sense of warmth and kindness during a difficult time, so I can only hope it was a ghost and not a hallucination. LOL

Henri: Does it make you uncomfortable that I am a ghost? *grin*

Jamieson:Not at all Henri! I find talking to you very enjoyable. And I know you like women so I don't have to worry about you hitting on me. LOL

Henri: Do you like vampires?

Jamieson: I do but I don't know any personally. I read a lot of vampire fiction though. One of the best vampire books I've read is Blood Calls by romance mega-star Caridad Piniero. I think you might know her...

Henri: You make Henri chuckle, Monsier Jamieson. You picked up on that right away! Proud of you, my man. Did you know she's not a real vampire? Oui, I saw her reflection but she sure had me fooled there for a minute! Hey, did you know that you can go out on Saturdays without your garlic for some odd reason?

Jamieson: Well, I try to leave my garlic at home at all times. I like to cook with it! Besides, if I wear it, it tends to drive people away and I don't get to sign any books!

Henri: Don't you like garlic, Monsier Jamieson?

Jamieson:Love the stuff. I'm not a vampire! LOL

Henri: Okay, Henri is just having fun with you. I need to know something, though. Can you tell Henri what is the number one way to promote books? I have a tour coordinator that won't get off Henri's backside over promoting books. What do you recommend I do?

Jamieson:It's all good Henri, I don't mind joking at all. The number one way to promote books? Man, just one way? Well, if I had to pick one I would have to say Blogging. Blogging is SO important to promoting yourself and your books.

Blogs show up higher on search engines, even higher than web sites! And, since blogs are constantly updated, the search engines always pick them up.

It's good to have a web site, but if you want to get noticed, you have to have a blog.

Henri: I am liking to talk to you, Monsier Jamieson. Do you like talking to me?

Jamieson:Of course Henri. You are a ghost with style and panache. And it's not every day that I get to talk to a ghost you know.

Henri: Can you tell I make a lousy interviewer?

Jamieson: Oh, Henri, not at all. You are charming, light hearted and you make me laugh. What more could you hope for? Don't sell yourself short!

Henri: Oh, Monsier Jamieson, you make Henri laugh. Can you tell my beautiful 21st century women who frequents Henri's blog how they might frequent yours? Do you blog like Henri?

Jamieson: Of course I do! You can find my blog at http://www.jamiesonwolf.blogspot.com/, but I also have a blog for The Ghost Mirror which you can find here: http://www.theghostmirror.blogspot.com/.

Henri: Oh, be still my little ghostie heart! TWO blogs? Henri can barely keep up with what he has now! Tell me, where can mortals and ghosties like myself buy your wonderful book, The Ghost Mirror?

Jamieson: You can buy it by heading on over to e Treasures which you can find at http://www.etreasurespublishing.com/.

Henri: Thank you for coming, Monsier Jamieson, and I hope you have more luck with your tour coordinator than I am. She is what 21st century mortals call a major PITA. Don't tell her I said that. Well, good luck to you and I hope you sell lots of books!

Jamieson: Thanks so much Henri and thank you for having me! It's been so much fun!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel, Jamieson Wolf

Virtual Book Tour Over and Henri is Ready for Fun!

2007-06-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

Henri is so lousy writing title headers.

Anyway, Henri is now done with virtual book tours! Wahooo! Today, I appeared on tour coordinator's blog, Pump Up Your Online Book Promotion. Even the title of that looks like work. Actually, it went fine, but I'm glad it's over in a way. I hate it when I miss tour stops as I did a couple of times.

But, I do want to thank all my tour hosts for having me. I met so many neat people and even a vampire lady and a gypsy psychic! Doesn't get better than that!

I'm ready for fun now. I feel like the last day of school and I'm ready to P-A-R-T-Y!

Oh, I haven't told you. I'm going to camp! Actually, it's a camp for college kids to earn college credits and I get to be one of the camp counsellors! Okay, okay, I guess you're wondering how is a ghost going to be a camp counsellor. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, ladies and gentlemen. I can materialize, you know.

It's called Camp SoYouWannaSeeAGhost. Pretty neat, huh? From what I understand, it's a camp to learn about ghosts and the afterlife and I am to help out. Consider it my contribution to America's youth; but, truth be known, Henri is going to have fun.

So, stay with me...on Monday, I'll leave for Camp SoYouWannaSeeAGhost and I'll tell you all about it.

Have a nice weekend, mes amis....

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel

Henri Does Tour Coordinator

2007-06-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

I hate my tour coordinator.

And, no, hate is not a strong word in this sense because you'd hate her to if you were interrogated for two hours on why you haven't been blogging and why you haven't been posting about your tour stops. Oh, yeah, and why she didn't charge me because not only is she doing the tour for nothing, she is quote unquote "wasting her time on someone who is totally useless."

Ouch.

Not only that, I missed Haunted Evidence last night. Instead, I was holed up in tour coordinator's office trying to miss the evil looks she was throwing at me.

I've been wanting to go to another realm, but it's not my decision. The higher energies will not even give me a pass until I finish my work here. And I have no idea when that will be. I suppose once this tour is over, I can start concentrating on the real mission I am here and that is to go out there in 21st century and tell the mortals that ghosts are here to help them, not scare them, and that communication is the key to knowing all.

What a mission.

When they gave me the assignment, I wasn't sure how I was going to do this. The higher energies helped me out and gave me a running start by landing me in the home of Ezra Anne Thornberry. Now Ezra is a good soul, has to kids to raise, and now has a good deal of money since proving that ghosts exist which is chronicled in the book, The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost. But, if it were not for me, she would have never found Sarah.

Anyway, so what I think I'll do is help others find missing loved ones. I'm thinking if I get maybe two or three under my belt, the higher energies will let me go back home so that I can advance to the next realm, wherever that might be.

I'm really liking it in 21st century, though, despite tour coordinator. I have made a lot of new friends and it really would be sad to leave them.

But, after this tour is over, I will start on my mission and see what kind of new adventures Henri can get into.

So, for the sake of getting tour coordinator off my arse, I would like to tell you where I'll be touring for the remainder of my virtual book tour. I'll be at Laura Crawford's blog, Greetings from the Polebarn on Monday, Gloria Oliver's blog on Tuesday and I'll be finishing up my tour on tour coordinator's blog, Pump Up Your Online Book Promotion on Friday. After this, the real adventures of Henri will begin, so stay tuned!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel

Henri Does Fishing with Boo

2007-06-10T14:19:00.000-07:00

"I remember back when I was a little kid in my second incarnation, my father took me out to Sulley Creek and taught me how to fish. I remember I was no higher than a grasshopper, but my daddy sat back and didn't say a word as he watched me bait my first hook. I remember the proud look he had on his face when I reeled in my first freshwater fish. A bass, I think. That thing flopped all over the place and didn't want me to get near him. I knew I had to make my daddy proud and take that hook out all by myself. I tried and tried, until my daddy leaned over and said, 'Boo, if life were simple, we'd have no challenges, and if we had no challenges, we'd all be nothing.' I looked at my daddy and it was if something came over me. I grabbed that bass and ripped the hook right outta his mouth."

I nodded, not really paying attention to Boo because he tended to ramble about his life...on and on...and my thoughts were really focused on Juicy. Where she was and did she miss me?

I don't know why I even let her "giving me space" bother me since I was a grown ghost and knew the repercussions of having a woman scorned; but this author stuff, it's too new to me and I don't really know how to handle it, I guess.

"Zut!" Boo threw his fist into the air and started shaking it and using curse words I hadn't heard coming from him in a long time.

"Did you see that one get away?" he yelled, cursing and spitting.

"Why don't we just call it a day?" I asked him. "I've got another interview in the morning."

"Oh yeah? Where is this one?"

"Canada again. Must be a lot of authors in Canada, that's all I have to say. Jamieson Wolf's blog, The Book Pedler."

Boo put his rod down and scratched his baldy head. "What in the hell is a blog?"

"I don't think you'd understand, Boo, my friend, but it's a place to meet beautiful 21st century women."

Boo threw his head back, let out a guffaw, and said, "Don't you think you're in enough trouble, Henri?"

I shook my head, sat down on a log, and sighed.

Boo came over and sat down beside me. "Why are you so looking for 21st century women, Henri, when you have a good woman who wants to be with you more than anything but you barely give her the time of day?"

"I don't know, Boo. Maybe I just want to be friends with Juicy? Is that too hard to understand?"

Boo patted my back and said, "That's not hard to understand, Henri. Maybe you two just need your space."

"Yeah, that's what she said."

"So, what happens when you two find your space?"

I didn't know what to say. I wished I knew.

"Henri, stop worrying. Everything will work out for the better eventually."

"But I don't like Juicy being sad, but when Juicy acts like my career doesn't count, that makes Henri sad, you know?"

Boo nodded as if he knew, but he couldn't know. He didn't know what it was like to stay up until the roosters crowed writing and revising, writing and revising, and then after that, it was touring and meeting people and connecting with other authors even if they were beautiful 21st century women. How could Henri avoid that if he was to become big famous author?

"I better get back, Boo. Thanks for lending me your rod. We'll do it again next weekend, okay?"

"Sure thing, buddy. You take care, okay?"

"Yeah, you too."

I bid Boo adieu and headed back to Ezra's to prepare for my interview with Jamieson Wolf at The Book Pedler. Slipping past Ezra, I headed to the basement where my computer was and checked my email. Nothing from Juicy. But I did find something interesting. My book, The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost is on sale at Amazon at 32% off, making it just over a cool ten bucks for beautiful 21st century women to buy real cheap.

I turned off the computer, curled up in my bed, and smiled.

Henri Does Affair and Rock 'N Roll Author

2007-06-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

Holy résidus de chien.

My tour coordinator just left. I had had a rotten day yesterday after I got back from visiting the Gypsy Psychic. The interview went great...paparazzi everywhere...but after I got home, there was a note from Juicy saying she wanted to give me space. I think she picked up on 21st century American custom of telling me which pier to jump off of. Give me space. I have lots of space. What is she talking about, this give me space?

So, I've got the note in my hand and I fly past Ezra who is folding laundry and she says, "Dorothy is in the den and wants to talk to you. I think it's urgent."

I sigh, thinking what else could go wrong today, and fly into the den only to find tour coordinator with head in hands. Not like Henri who can take head off.

"Bonjour," I say, trying not to let her know I've picked up on her vibes.

"Henri. Henri. Henri."

"What? I go to Gypsy Psychic and do interview. What has Henri done wrong now?"

She gets up and heads to Ezra's computer and goes to Henri's blog and checks stats.

"Look at this, Henri."

I look closer and...and...

You think my troubles with Juicy are bad?

Someone has found out I had an affair before they chopped my head off. Click here and see for yourself.

Someone is looking for Henri!

"Why do they want to know about this?" I ask Dorothy.

"I don't know, Henri. I just don't know. Perhaps you want to tell me why?"

"They want to know if Henri was as good back then as he is now?" I grin.

"I don't think so, Henri. Someone's snooping. I just don't want this sort of thing to get to the press, you know?"

"So what if press finds out? What can they do to Henri being as I'm a ghost now?"

"Well, for starters, they could hire a ghostbuster and send you back to the great beyond, but what really concerns me is that no one is going to buy your book if you give it bad publicity."

Hm.

And I think.

Henri does good ideas when he thinks.

"What about James Frey? Look at all the publicity he got for his book!"

"And what do you think James Frey is doing now that no one else will publish subsequent books?"

"Enjoy his riches by the poolside with beautiful 21st century women?"

I don't think that was right answer. Dorothy looks at me and says, "Look, Henri, where are you heading today?"

"You're the tour coordinator. Aren't you supposed to know these things?"

Ah, bad Henri.

"Don't get smart with me, Henri, or I'll send you back where you came from."

Ouch.

"Okay, okay. I'm heading over to Vancouver, Canada, to talk to Karen Magill."

"The rock-n-roll writer? The one who wrote, 'Let Us Play: A Rock 'N Roll Love Story'? The SINGLE ROCK 'N ROLL WRITER?"

"Yes."

"Good Lord. Please, Henri, DO NOT get into any trouble while you're over there. I'll try to figure this out before it gets too big for the both of us."

Sounded like a plan to me. I wished her well, flew out the door and headed over to Karen's apartment. I laugh to myself that tour coordinator would think Henri would get in trouble with single rock 'n roll 21st century beautiful woman author.

She thinks she knows Henri too well.

Anyway, if you'd like to fly with me over to Karen's blog and find out what interesting things Henri has to say about The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, click here.

And bring Coors Light, please.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel Karen Magill

Henri Does Gypsy Psychic

2007-06-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

It was early in the morning when I got back from visiting Ronda at Storyation and I knew Juicy was going to kill me.

Yes, ghosts can get killed in different ways from mortals, believe me.

I flew in at quarter past seven and Juice was waiting for me on my doorstep. I don't know how she has the nerve. She knows I'm a published author now and have to do these things.

And she knows I'm on a virtual book tour and won't be home for long hours of the time. And, it's not like she owned dear ol' Henri, you know.

"So, where was it tonight?"

Those words sliced the air like a dagger through raw meat. I told you I was a writer, didn't I?

Well, I tried to fly past her without saying a word, but she caught me by my coattails. Yes, ghosts have coattails.

Anyway, I said, "Ronda's place."

She gave me this look like whatever. It's hard to describe words. It's like the look your mama gives you when you say you've been over to your girlfriend's house when her parents are gone and it's just you and your girlfriend and you didn't even give her a peck on the cheek. I hate women's intuition.

But, I was perfectly innocent this time as Ronda and I have this thing and don't cross it. Like Juice and I. Or, so I thought.

"So, what did you do at Ronda's place besides being gone all night long without so much as a telepathic phone call?"

What do you say to that? I, uh, didn't think about it?

"Look, Juicy, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I've gotta run in and grab a Light and head back out."

If you think her look before was awesome, you should have seen this one.

"And where this time, if I may ask?"

Now, at this point, she decides to shed the waterworks to make Henri feel bad and not go. But, tour coordinator would kill me if I don't go, so I say, "I'm going to talk to a gypsy psychic."

It was the truth. I couldn't help it if gypsy psychic was beautiful 21st century woman, could I?

"How long are you going to be gone? And why a psychic, Henri? So he or SHE can tell you how our relationship is going?"

Ah. Relationship chit chat time. I knew I had to get out of there before Juice started making me say things I knew better to say.

"It's not about that," I said. "It's another stop on my virtual book tour."

"Well," she huffed, "while you're over there, ask this gypsy psychic how long it's going to take before Juicy gets fed up with Henri's stardom and starts looking for new boyfriend?"

"I told you, Juicy, I'm not..." I couldn't say it at this point, so I said, "Look, let me zip over and give her this interview and when I get back, we'll head out to Fisher's Point and do a little fishing. Would that make you happy?"

Again. The Look.

"Oh, don't like fishing. Forgot that. Okay, how about a picnic. We'll do the wine and cheese thing. You like that.

"Juicy? Where'd you go?"

I hate it that ghosts can disappear that fast.

Anyway, I'm off to Gypsy Psychic's place at http://www.gypsypsychic.blogspot.com/ if you'd like to follow me. I need your support. Actually, I'll need an alibi in case Gypsy Psychic and I decide to do our own little cheese and wine thing. What a ghost will do to get a free psychic reading.

Oh, just kidding. Anyway, fly over with me as I finish up my 4th stop on my THE SEARCH FOR THE MILLION $$$ GHOST VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel

Who Said Book Touring Was Easy?

2007-06-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

I had a talk with my tour coordinator yesterday. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm getting my tour free being as she happens to be one of the so called co-writers of The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, which is really MY book, but I digress...

So, I had a chat over coffee and Coors Light (guess who had the Coors Light) and we were sitting out on her deck watching her silly dogs run around the yard and she asked me what brought me to her neck of the woods.

"I'm getting ovewhelmed," I sighed real convincing-like. "You didn't tell me that book touring, even over Internet, was going to be so hard."

She laughed, tossing back her curly blonde hair in a way that made Henri excited as much as I didn't want to admit it, and she said, "Henri, get used to it. This is only the beginning."

She knew what I was talking about without me having to say so. I hate that intuitive thing she has going on.

"Didn't your tour just start Friday and you've only had two tour stops?" she asked.

"I know! I know! Yesterday at Cat's blog and another stop today at Storyation...I just can't keep up with it all. I thought this was going to be fun. I knew I was going to be doing interviews and all that, but I just don't even have time to blog anymore. The last time Boo saw me was when I had to rush down to Boo Drop Inn and rescue him from the vampire-ectoplasm-suckers yesterday before I had to whip back to the Ozark Mountains of Missouri to be interviewed by Cat, and then whip back here and be interviewed by Storyation, and now Juicy is really complaining about not seeing me anymore. My friends are going to diss me!"

There, I said it. She could do what she wanted with it, but I had to get it off chest.

I looked up and I thought she would be staring at me like I'm the most poopiest-head she'd ever seen; but instead, she was smiling. I didn't like that know-it-all-look that she was giving me. She might have been around publishing circles for a long time, but this is new to Henri, you know?

Then, she finally said what I figured she was going to say, "Henri, it's all part of the package. Did you think it was going to be easy? Did all you think was that you were going to have your name on a book - oops, forgot, you're inside but don't even let us get started on that again - and that's all there is to it? Don't you want to sell that book? Your book isn't going to sell by itself, you know. You might have a million lives, but that book - your book - has one life. It's either now or never, my friend. You better hit it while the fire is hot."

"But, what about blogging? I haven't even been able to keep my blog updated and my beautiful 21st century women who love Henri aren't going to like that very much."

I think this was the first time I saw tour coordinator break out in sweat.

"Henri, what did I tell you when you first started this tour? I told you to BLOG about it as you go along. Beautiful 21st century women might find it interesting as some of them might even be authors themselves and haven't ever been on a virtual book tour before. They can learn about your experiences and if they see Henri having fun instead of being stressed out all the time about it, they might even find out what good this will do for the sales of their books."

Damn. I really hate it when she thinks she knows everything. But, maybe she was right. I guess the only way I will know is by doing it.

So, my beautiful 21st century women who love Henri, if you want to read interview with Cat who lives in Ozark Mountains of Missouri, click here!

This might be fun after all. Is this okay with you ladies for Henri to blog about tour trips besides my ghostly adventures?

Oops, don't have time to find out...I'm back to the Ozarks for an interview with Ronda Del Boccio of Storyation! I'll let you know how it goes!

I'll be back, mon amies....please don't go away...Henri loves you all!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, book promotion, book blog, blogging authors, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel

Henri Does Virtual Book Tour

2007-06-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

No sooner does Henri get back from the south of France visiting long lost ancestors and before he even opens that first can of Coors Light, the girls have surprise treat for him. I, Henri de Montmorency, is going on first live book tour.

The girls tell me the world is not read for Henri in the flesh...er...not in the flesh, but they have found way for me to appear all over world and all I have to do is sit here at Ezras, answer a few questions, and go off to Boo Drop Inn while my books fly off cyber-shelves. It's called virtual book tour. Twentieth-century mortals make me laugh at names they come up with.

But, there are instructions. I am to blog about where I go and add these &%#@# tags. Why can't Henri just have fun with it? "Because you want people to find you, you dope!" screams Dorothy, one of so-called co-writers who believes she wrote part of MY book. C'est si idiot!

Anyway, I am on virtual book tour all month long and I am to tell you about it as I go. It might even be fun for poor ol' Henri if meeting beautiful young ladies is part of the deal. Oh la la!

So, today I am being interviewed by someone named TWL. The link is www.thewriterslife.blogspot.com. TWL annoyed me with so many questions but I am to keep trap shut and blog about it. And...I am to tell you to go over to TWL's hut and read my interview and leave questions if you have any. So, you go ahead and do that while Henri grabs a few Coors Light. Hope to see you there!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, ghost hunt, virtual book tour, paranormal novel

Henri Does Naked Ladies on Cruise Ship

2007-05-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

I love 21st century.

I was visiting my friends - Cyn, Sandy and Millie, three great broads who gives Henri good times - and they were telling me about these naked ladies who are on cruise ships.

Henri has never been on cruise ships, but by what they tell me, they're a really good way to get across great bodies of water and explore new and foreign territories. But, another good thing is that they have fun on cruise ships which involves naked ladies.

Oh la la!

So, we all four made a date for a cruise ship that was going to foreign territory they call Barbados, and the girls were going to meet me there.

I told Juicy I was going to book event that would be totally boring and I knew how she hated those things so she decided it was for good cause, and I think she accepted it hook, line and sinker. Henri was telling what 21st century mortals call a little white lie.

Get four writers together and it's an event, n'est paux?

Early the next morning, I meet the girls in the lounge of the cruise ship as they are drinking their Margaritas and waiting for Henri to appear.

Might I say, they are a little...how do you Americans say this...hammered?

I look over at Cyn who is hanging on to long, shiny table as if steadying herself and she says, "Henri! Did I ever tell you that you look great in white?"

I know at that point it is going to be fun trip for Henri.

"So, girls, where are naked ladies?" I ask.

Sandy turns to me and says, "Henri, you want to see naked?" and begins to pull off ample filled blouson in which Millie grabs her and shakes her silly.

Millie does that when the girls get out of hand, but sometimes Millie does not know that this would cause great pleasure to Henri.

Anyway, the bartender asks the girls if they want another drink and you should have seen look on his face when Cyn said, "Yes, please, and Henri will have a Coors Light."

But, he is professional so he turns to the area where he is making drinks and proceeds to make three more Margaritas and pours a Coors Light into frosty mug for Henri.

He places the four drinks onto the long, shiny table and Cyn pushes the beer to where I am standing. I am not sure why bartender runs from room when he sees Henri pick up mug and drink. Maybe he does not like Henri in white like Cyn does.

We all share laughter and drink our drinks, but Henri wants to see naked ladies really bad since this is why Henri came in the first place, not knocking the girls as they were quite pleasurable to look at even with their clothes on.

Heh.

So, Henri decides it's time to check this naked ladies out and leave the girls to explore where naked ladies are hanging out.

As I do not know exactly where in the hell I was going, I go through many floors and down many corridors to find them. Just when Henri is about to give up, I see many ladies go into a room and close the door behind them.

I figure that must be it!

Many hours pass and I hear familiar voices. It's Cyn, Sandy and Millie who have come to take me to other places of pleasure.

"Henri!" shouts Millie. "Don't you know you're not supposed to be in there?"

"But.." I stammer, "I find naked ladies!"

I do not why they think it funny but after they point out sign that reads "Ladies Rest Room," I figure I did not find same naked ladies they are talking about.

But, Henri has good time anyway.

One thing confuses Henri. After ladies push metal handle on chair where ladies are sitting, why does Henri end up in the ocean every time?

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, ghost hunt, Real Women Wear Red, paranormal novel

Henri Does Old Man Hessop

2007-05-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

It was getting late. Boo had ordered pizza and he and I were sitting around, throwing pizza crusts at Boo's dog who was scrunched up in between Boo and I. Quite a threesome in a 4x6' dog house.

Quite frankly, I think the dog was having more fun than we were, but we were okay. The moon was out, the sky was clear and Juicy and Maxine were nowhere in sight.

Maxine, btw, is Boo's wife.

I'd known Boo as far as I can remember. After we both died, we lost touch for a few hundred years, then caught up with one another on Halloween night, of all nights, in the cemetery of Old Man Hessop's place.

Old Man Hessop was a mean cuss and the only reason I was in his cemetery was because I was looking to see if it were true he came out at night and overturned all the headstones like they said he did.

I'm figuring it was an old wives' tale because I never saw him.

He died an untimely death in 1864 just as Boo and I had, only it was for an unjust cause. He'd been caught with the sharecropper's daughter at high noon underneath the hickory tree in the same cemetery Boo and I were standing. From what I heard, it was a simple peck on the cheek and Old Man Hessop's wife comes running after the two of them, causing the both of them to get run down by a herd of cows that had gotten loose.

Or, at least that's what was reported in the Ghostly Times. And Old Man Hessop never showed his ghostly face around these parts again. But, the locals say he loved to return on Halloween night, overturning headstones on a quest to find the sharecropper's daughter; a fact, I'm not sure was true or not.

It was there I was moseying around, trying to see what I could get into, when I caught a faint glimpse of something moving by an old hickory tree. I figured it was Old Man Hessop trying to create a scare in dear ol' Henri; but instead, it was Boo. He walked over to me and gave me the biggest hug I'd ever gotten.

But, there was something about Boo that troubled me. He was different. Of course, he wasn't a mortal anymore, but it was something else about him that made the hairs on Henri's chest stand straight up. Now, when that happens, something's going on and I was bound and determined I was going to find out what it was.

He had the same smile he always had - kind of crooked on one side as if he'd run into a brick wall or something - but that smile, it could light up a whole room if you gave it time for the other side to catch up.

But, all in all, except for this feeling something was very wrong, Boo was the same ol' Boo.

I asked him how he'd been doing and he said fine, but I knew he wasn't fine at all.

Finally, I had to get him to open up, so I said, "Where's Maxine?"

That's when his face fell and with what little spirit he could muster, he put his hand on my shoulder and he said, "Maxine's been captured."

I looked at him kind of funny because I wasn't sure exactly what he meant by that and he picked up on my confusion right away and said, "Well, it wasn't too long after you left that Maxine and I met our own demise at the bottom of the Chauteleau Lake after a storm overturned our boat. Both of us drowned.

"I tried searching for Maxine all night long. I didn't even think about my own death at the time. I just wanted to find Maxine."

"You did find her, didn't you?" I asked.

"Oh, I found her all right. Watched her spirit soar into the sky and I don't know where she ended up from there. That's when it hit me. I was dead and I knew they'd come after for me, too, so I hid behind a rock in a cavernous gully that was cut out of the side of the mountain.

"They never found me."

I knew who "they" was. The energies from the other side.

"So what did you do after that?"

"I roamed. Did a few things I could never do as a mortal; you know, ghostie things."

I nodded.

"But, then, everything started getting old and I missed Maxine terribly."

"You mean, you haven't seen her at all after all these years?"

He looked to the ground, his head bent low, and he said, "Nope, not at all."

"Well, damn, Boo," I said, "that really stinks."

We sat there, Boo and I, by the old hickory tree in Old Man Hessop's cemetery, watching the clouds pass over top the moon when suddenly I heard a commotion in the farmhouse which sat at the edge of the cemetery.

There were stories of how Old Man Hessop's farmhouse never got rented or sold because it was claimed to be haunted by the old geezer himself, so automatically I figured it was he inside just fixing himself some dinner or doing laundry, much like he did when his wife was still alive.

Curiosity got the best of both Boo and I, so we flew closer to have a look see.

When we got to the farmhouse, the commotion had died down except for a coon hound barking in the distance and the sounds of a few hairy bats flapping overhead.

Now, Boo and I, we were never afraid of anything even when we were kids; so naturally, we just flew through the front door like it was nothing.

Cobwebs were strung through rafters and and beams and you had to dodge'em or they'd attach to you like glue, but Boo and I wanted to see what all the racket was all about so we kept going.

It was then we saw Old Man Hessop himself sitting on an old piano bench by the French doors that hung half off their hinges. A picture of his wife still hung above the mantle and it seemed as if she were watching our every move, but our attentions were focused on the lonely, old ghost of a man, sitting alone on a half-broken piano bench.

When Old Man Hessop saw us, he stood up and waved for us to come to him.

Boo looked at me and I looked at him and I knew he was thinking what I was thinking. We were already dead. What did we have to lose?

So, Boo and I flew over to Old Man Hessop to see what he wanted.

"I heard you two lads talking in my cemetery," he said. "I hear you're looking for a ghost by the name of Maxine."

Well, that's about when Boo went all postal and started after Old Man Hessop figuring he'd been having his way with her all these years only Boo had no say in it of course, but I told him to get a grip and let's just listen to what the old man had to say.

Old Man Hessop turned toward the French doors, pointed outside, and said, "You see that old hickory tree?"

We both nodded, kind of confused-like, as we gazed out the window at the hickory tree from which we sat just a few minutes before.

And there sat Maxine, Boo's wife, who he hadn't seen in over 200 years.

"How did you do that?" Boo asked.

Old Man Hessop smiled a toothless grin and said, "All these years you've wanted to see her, yet she never appeared. Is that right?"

"Sure, but.."

"And all those years have passed and not once did she make her presence known. Am I right?"

Boo kind of stuttered and scratched his head and said, "I'm not understanding."

Old Man Hessop laughed. "You are so much like a mortal. Mr. Boo, I hate to be the one to tell you but Maxine has been with you all these years and you were so determined to find her that you forgot that the spirit is not of the flesh. What you were looking for was Maxine, the mortal, and not Maxine, the spirit, and truth, be known, her spirit has been within your spirit, your soul and your heart, all along. You were just too blind to see. Go to her. Her spirit is calling you, man."

I will never forget the look on Boo's face that night. Standing in the middle of Old Man Hessop's cemetery clutching Maxine as if there were no tomorrow.

And, now, we're both sitting in a dog house watching Boo's dog lick his balls.

Love is funny. One minute, they get on your everlasting nerve and the second minute, it takes a time out in a dog house to realize you never know a good thing until they're gone.

I leaned over to Boo and said, "Look. I think it's time we went home and deal with the consequences like a real ghost."

Besides, I was in the mood for a cool Coors Light.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Boo said.

We thanked Boo's dog for letting us room with him for awhile and headed home - Boo back inside to Maxine and I back to Ezra's to deal with Juicy in the morning.

I wasn't sure if she was going to be able to handle my superstardom, but I guess time will tell.

Wish me luck with that one.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, ghost hunt

Henri Does Time in the Dog House

2007-05-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

Henri is in the dog house.

And it wasn't even my dog house.

It was my good friend Boo's dog house. Seems he had the misfortune of being caught causing mischief in town by his wife at about the same time I was caught schmoozing with Caridad Pineiro, the sexy vixen who writes vampire novels, and we figured we'd camp out awhile until the whole thing blows over.

Or, the dog wants his house back.

See, I was innocent but found guilty. A few lousy questions about vampires and Juicy decided I was having an affair. Just because I was conversing with a beautiful vampire-writing author and Juicy gets all bent out of shape. Just because Caridad tells me as I'm being dragged off against my will by Juicy that I could have her anytime. Actually, her words were, "I'm all yours, Henri. Just say the word and I'll be there."

Means the same thing.

I can't help it if I'm desirable. It's a curse, I know.

But, what really blew everything out of the water was what was printed on the front page of the Ghostly Times this morning, and this is why I'm sitting here in the dog house with Boo, who won't stop his incessant whining about how women are the curse of the earth, whichever plane you happen to be in.

According to the Ghostly Times, someone leaked the story out and Henri became the talk of the town and Juicy says now she can't hold her head up in public. I don't seem to have any problem with it and I don't see why she just can't get over it and get on with it.

I mean, it's not like we're attached at the soul or anything.

I'm a free ghost and can come and go as I please. I guess that doesn't explain why I'm sitting here in the dog house with Boo, avoiding Juicy and trying like hell to make conversation with a ghost who believes that the world would be a better place if men ruled the universe and not women and he could do as he damn pleased.

I guess it just depends on your perspective of things.

If men ruled, we'd be able to leave the hopper seat up without someone yelling that they've just fallen in.

If men ruled, there's be no one pointing their finger at you when you're wrong.

If men ruled, we'd make women go out and buy their own damn tampons.

If men ruled, beer would become not only one of the four food groups, but all of the four food groups.

If men ruled, Margaritaville would become a national landmark.

If men ruled, we could do as we damn please and let the women go to work and see how much fun it is.

Well, I guess they already do, but you get the picture.

So, I'm sitting here with Boo drawing straws as to who gets to tell the dog it'll be a few more minutes.

Meanwhile, if you want to know what was in the headlines this morning, hop over to Caridad Pineiro's literary agent's blog and find out. Her name is Caren Johnson and I hear she's easily fancied with Henri.

Hmm...wonder what she's doing after I get out of the dog house?

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, Caridad Pineiro, Caren Johnson

Henri Does Caridad Pineiro

2007-05-15T19:29:00.000-07:00

After my depressing night at Boo Drop Inn on Mother's Day night, I woke up this morning with Mom flying over my head. She loves to scare the crap out of Henri, especially after a night of partying. Gives new meaning to hangover.

As soon as I crawled out of bed, she was gone in a poof. I don't know why she does that, but I was glad she woke me up because Juicy and I had plans for the day to go check out a haunted house she said she found in the valley. She said I had to take garlic with me because there might be vampires, too. Juicy knows how I hate vampires, but Juicy being Juicy, I agreed to go.

Grabbing my garlic, I flew out of the house and into the valley.

Juicy was nowhere to be found.

Figuring she was playing a game with me, I decided to go along with it and head to the haunted house by myself. To get to this house, I had to go through town and past the park. But while I was going through town, a big poster in one of the shops caught my attention. It was some author by the name of Caridad Pineiro. I looked closer at the poster and wouldn't you know it - she was a vampire author!

My bones started shaking. I couldn't imagine anyone who put vampires in their books, those blood thirsty animals that wouldn't think twice about sucking every drop of blood out of your body until you were completely drained of what life you had left. I knew all about them.

I was curious to see what this vampire-writing woman looked like, but I froze in my tracks to the point where I couldn't move.

Suddenly, there was a tap on my shoulder.

I jerked around and who but appeared - and it wasn't a sleigh full of reindeer - it was the vampire writer herself.

"You can see me?" was all I could say. My teeth were chattering so hard, I was surprised I got that much out.

"Of course I can see you, Henri," she smiled.

I still didn't trust her. How did I not know she wasn't a vampire herself?

I clutched my garlic into my fists so hard, they become liquified.

"Henri, come here," she said, waving me to a bench, "I'd like to talk to you."

I looked around for help. How can anyone save me if they can't even see me???

I watched her walk over to the bench, sit down, and pat the other end for me to join her. She was beautiful. Raven-colored hair and a cute little Spanish accent, so Henri being Henri, I slowly walked over to the bench and sat down.

"Henri, why are you scared of me?" she asked. My cover as a suave, sophicated ghost was blown.

"I will cut to the chase, Mademoiselle Caridad," I said in the most gentlemanly fashion. "I'm afraid of vampires. Are you one perchance?"

She laughed a little too sexily if I might add and said, "I'm often asked that question, Henri. People think that to write as many books as I do, I never sleep and must therefore be a vampire, but I do sleep and most certainly do not drink any blood."

"But, how do you know for sure someone is and isn't a vampire?" I just needed to know, you know?

"Well," she said, brushing back her raven hair, "modern vampires like those in The Calling are certainly harder to tell apart from the silent movie, 'Nosferatu.' They are paler and avoid the strongest rays of the sun, but other than that, they blend right in. The lack of reflection is still a good way to tell as is the chill of their skin."

I had forgotten that!

I quickly looked at the windows of the shops across the street to see if I could see her reflection. Wouldn't you know it a cloud was passing over and I had to wait until it had passed. Damn the luck. I guess I had to wait. I wanted to touch her golden hands to see if I could feel a chill, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I knew the only way to find out was to keep her talking until the cloud passed over and I could see if I could see her reflection, and I would know, for sure, if she was a vampire for real or not.

"So, Mademoiselle Caridad, is it true that garlic can keep vampires away? I mean, have you ever used it yourself and did it work?"

She laughed, which I found...très réveillant.

"Garlic will definitely make them shy away since it weakens them when they ingest it," she said, giving me quite an erotic look. "I did have to use it in Darkness Calls. The hero, Ryder Latimer, is having dinner at an Italian restaurant (can we say a rough call just because of all that garlic) and the heroine offers up a delicious basket of garlic bread. Poor Ryder! He controlled the urge to run and because he wanted to impress her, he ate the bread anyway, causing him the world's worst case of agita."

I'm listening to her talk and as I'm listening, the damn cloud is moving at -100 mph. In other words, it's going nowhere. I must keep her talking so I ask her about this book of vampires. As an author, I know this will keep her busy for hours.

"So, this book," I continue, "is full of these blood-thirsty varmins. Can you tell me what it's about and where I can get it if, perchance, I get over this fear of vampires?"

"BLOOD CALLS is all about one very dark and intriguing vampire – Diego Rivera," she replied, running her hand down her long, sensual leg which was driving Henri très sauvage avec passion.

"He was betrayed during the Spanish Inquisition and turned into a vampire. The experience has convinced him that he was saved so he could be a better man and so he’s strived to do that up until now. The heroine, Ramona Escobar, really tempts him to put the bite on her. Believe me, it’s Diego who is the one who is biteable! In fact, I think she puts the bite on him first. Did I mention, Henri, that there’s a very old, but incredibly sexy vampire named Stacia who might be just right for you? You can read about her online – DESIRE CALLS – at eharlequin and she’ll be back for more in 2008! Since you’ve both been around for some time, you might find it fun to share your experiences."

Stacia? The name was ringing a bell. No! It can't be! Stacia, the beautiful vixen who had her eyes on me in Boo Drop Inn? The one who kept trying to kiss me on the neck when Juicy wasn't looking??? I KNEW she was up to something!

I steadied my nerves, casually looked up at the cloud and heaved a sigh of relief...it was passing!

I had to keep her talking.

"So, if you weren't writing about vampires, what would you write about?"

I know lame question, but I was running out of chitchat material.

"I love romantic suspense and am definitely working on a longer novel of this type," she replied, inching her skirt up higher (or maybe it was Henri's imagination). "It will involve an Army CID officer and the murder of a Senatorial hopeful that is possibly connected to the military. Can’t say more or I’d have to kill you . .. oh wait. You’re a ghost so that might be a problem."

Did she say...kill? I laughed out of courtesy, but inched my way further down the bench, not too obvious-like, and lo and behold, the cloud moved and the sun finally came out. I strained hard to see if I could see her reflection and, sure enough, there was a woman sitting on a bench talking to someone who wasn't there. This made Henri laugh.

And breathe a little easier.

That's when Henri started becoming a little more like Henri, the ghostest with the mostest.

"So, you write about vampires. Do you think they're sexy? What about French non-hump back ghosts? Can you see us having a fling sometime?"

There. I said it. All the moves she was putting on me, it was time I started making my moves on her.

"I do think vampires are sexy," she cooed in that cute little Spanish accent. "It’s that sharing blood thing that’s so intimate. It’s like sharing the most vital, most personal thing that you possess – kind of like sharing your soul. As for ghosts, definitely a yes, Henri only . . . You can get corporeal, can’t you? We do need a way to share some loving, although being French, I assume you can whisper sweet naughty things in my ear . . ."

I can do a lot more than that, baby.

But, I didn't want her to think I was hard up. After all, I did have Juicy who deprives Henri of sexual delights, but still. It's not like I couldn't get no one. I am a player, remember?

I inched myself closer. I could smell her sweet perfume that turned Henri into a pile of ectoplasm.

"Soooo...Caridad, my sweet...what do you think of those vampires who hang around the mall? Aren't you scared of them? I mean, I'm not of course, but...."

I knew she was feeling the Henri vibes. She took my hand in hers and said, "Mall vamps, huh? Someone has been pulling your leg, Henri, although with modern vampires, they could be anywhere at anytime – except possibly high noon. I’m not sure even a vampire elder could stand that much sun. Stacia is a vampire elder and she’s fairly powerful. Strong enough to convince you to hand over your platinum American Express so she can pick up some nice stilettos and a little leather. Maybe you should avoid the mall when she’s around."

And Boo Drop Inn? Never. Not when I had my trusty clove of garlic to protect me. And not even vampires could stop me from visiting my girls at Victoria's Secret.

"Maybe you're right," I sighed, feeling the warmth from her hand in mine, "but, have you ever come across a vampire you just didn't like?"

She laughed, causing her eyes to sparkle and the smile...oh the smile...ohhh laaa laaa.

"In FURY CALLS, the first of the 2008 releases, you will definitely meet a very nasty and different kind of vampire – a kiang shi – a Chinese vampire. This dude is totally bad because Chinese vampires are people who were totally evil to begin with. That’s why they’ve been cursed and become vampires. Kiang shi even look different when they transform – all white fur and glowy red eyes. The villain vampire in FURY CALLS is totally up to no good and trying to get even with Diego, Ryder and some of the other favorites from THE CALLING. The kiang shi doesn’t like that vampires are becoming too human and finding love."

She was totally into this vampire thing and I so wanted her to focus on Henri, the ghostest with the mostest, so I said, "Do you ever write about ghosts and have you ever thought about naming one Henri?"

I know it was bold, but why not? I wanted her to keep talking. I wanted to her to feel the Henri vibes. I wanted...to be a mortal for just five minutes.

"I hadn't thought about it - I'm still waiting for your answer on that whole corporeal thing," she smiled sexily, "but you are definitely very charming. And that French accent - ooh la la, but I could see the women swooning when you whisper sweet nothings in their ear! So you are definitely in the running for a future hero spot."

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore! If she wanted to put Henri in her next book, I was so there!

Just when I was starting to make my moves, I saw...Juicy. Standing by the storefront, looking as if she was quite annoyed at dear, sweet, innocent Henri.

I quickly leaned over to Caridad and whispered, "I've got to go. Do you think...well...is there any way possibly that..."

She didn't let me finish. Juicy snatched me from her and dragged me down the sidewalk but before I got too far, I heard Caridad's last words to me...

"I'm all yours, Henri. Just say the word and I'll be there."

For a vampire lover, she sure did know how to capture Henri's heart.

I did find out that you can buy any of her books at Amazon, Barnes & Noble or even your neighborhood ghostly bookstore. You can even check out her website at www.caridad.com or watch her interview at www.romancenovel.tv.

Tomorrow, I shall look into it, but for now, I wish everyone a good night. I know my night is going to be very, very sweet.

Caridad...Caridad...come back...come back...

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, Caridad Pineiro, Blood Calls, vampires

Henri Does Mother's Day a Day Late

2007-05-14T07:17:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Mother's Day was yesterday. Henri is a bit saddened because the old broad refused to go to Boo Drop Inn with me last night to celebrate. She said she had a date with the Bell Witch and couldn't get out of it.

So, I went by myself and drowned myself in my own misery.

So, I'm sitting there, slumped down in my seat looking all depressed, when Juicy Jesse sits down beside me. I call her Juicy Jesse as a joke because one night back in the early seventies (oh, Juicy is a ghost, too), we wanted to have a little fun with the mortals and at the time something called CB radios were all the rage. So, we found a car parked outside what they called a grocery store, jumped in and started playing with this CB.

I wanted to hop in the back with Juicy, but she reneagued that idea saying that she wasn't going to be had like that and wanted to play around up front instead. But not with Henri. With the CB.

I didn't know what she had planned, but she's like that. Always full of cool ass ideas to tease the mortals. I loved Juicy for her high-spiritedness, which gave Henri quite a pleasurable feeling even though it didn't involve a roll around in the back seat.

So, Juicy gets on the CB and gets this trucker talking to her.

"What's your name?" he asks.

Now, when you think of Juicy and her high-spiritedness, don't think of anything other than she's out to have a good time. She is definitely a non-sexual kind of ghost as I've tried to have her many times and she just keeps turning ol' Henri down. So I know she's not like that. But, that night, I saw a side of Juicy that made even my own cheeks blush.

"Juicy Jesse," she told the trucker.

Well, I won't go into all that was said being as my MOTHER might start feeling bad about dissing me for the Bell Witch and head over here to read my blog expecting some gushy gushy Happy Mother's Day greeting for her and instead get to read some juicy excerpts of my life which she shouldn't read in the first place, but believe me, it was better than messing around with the girls in Victoria's Secrets. Way better.

Anyway, Jesse became Juicy Jesse after that.

So, I'm sitting in Boo Drop Inn all depressed and Juicy sits down and puts her hand on my head.

She starts rubbing it in a sexual way, but I know not to get my hopes up as Juicy is not like that. However, Henri starts feeling...a little better.

"What's wrong, Henri?" she asks.

I didn't really want to get into it. I just wanted the night to be over. But, Juicy. Dear sweet Juicy. Sitting there wanting to know what was wrong with dear ol' Henri. Rubbing dear ol' Henri's head...round and round and round....

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Juicy, what's wrong with me?"

"What do you mean, Henri?"

"My own mother doesn't want to see me. Is she forgetting I'm not the ugly hump back child that she grew to hate?"

Juicy laughed. "Oh, Henri, your mother doesn't hate you."

"Well, she sure isn't winning the most popular mother of the year award with her wanting to be with everyone else but me on Mother's Day."

My head fell on the table. Juicy tenderly picked it up and put it back on my shoulders.

"Henri," she said, "you really should stop letting your head fall off...it's quite annoying to the other ghosts when it knocks their drinks into their laps. But, I think I know what's really going on here."

I looked up. "You do?"

"Oh sure. You're letting your mortal life interfere with your spirit life."

I scratched my head. "I don't quite understand."

"Henri, listen. Mother's Day is a mortal holiday. We don't celebrate it unless we want to, but...if it upsets you so, why don't you just tell her?"

I folded my arms across my chest and sat back.

"Oh," she said, "Henri is too proud, is he?"

Femme irritante!

"You know--," she continued, "you can be such an ass."

Okay, my night with Juicy Jesse was over and I told her so. I paid my tab and got up to leave when Juicy leans over and says, "You know what your trouble is? You never want to tell your true feelings. It hurts like hell when someone turns you down, so you avoid them. Go to your mother right now and tell her Happy Mother's Day or I'm not ever going to talk to you again."

I didn't know what in the hell she was talking about. True feelings? If I told her my true feelings, she surely wouldn't ever talk to me again. Yeah, Juicy, let's have wild sex and I'll rock your world. What would she say to that?

Henri has a saying. If we men told the women in our life our true feelings, we'd be in the dog house for eternity. And that is why we don't. We just agree with what they are saying and the world becomes a better place.

"You're right, Juicy. You're absolutely right as usual. I'll go tell her. Thank you for waking Henri up to reality."

I don't think she believed me. Women have a way of seeing right through you. Even if you are a ghost.

I left Juicy sitting there and flew back to Ezra's. And popped an email over to Mom.

You know, maybe Juicy had something there. It did feel better.

To all you moms out there, Happy Belated Mother's Day. And to you, Mom, Henri still loves you even though you'd rather spend your time with the Bell Witch. Hmph.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Henri, the Ghostest with the Mostest, Mother's Day, Victoria Secrets

Henri Does the Wild Kingdom

2007-05-11T00:21:00.000-07:00

Before I died in 1632, it was told to me that I was quite unpleasant to look at. No, no, it's okay. You see, I was a hump back and because of the infliction that I was born with, I was used to people stopping and staring at me even when they didn't think I knew.

I knew they thought me hideous, so I retreated into a shell, not wanting to come out.

After I died, I have found that I have become everything I knew me to be...virile...quite endowed and quite handsome. Soyez toujours mon coeur battant!

Yesterday, after I tagged a few lovely ladies, I thought I would crawl out from under the Coors Lights cans and go out into the vampire-infested mall to do my little thing at Victoria's Secret. It's just a weekly ritual that usually causes no harm to the 21st century people as they walk about completely oblivious to the fact that Henri is standing beside them oggling them.

Before I got to the mall, though, there was an area with lots of trees that I'd never noticed before. And among these trees, there were places to sit to eat and various equipment in which the little people seemed to like to make lots of noises around.

In between the shrieks coming from the little people, I could hear other noises. Strange, far-off noises. I turned in this direction to see who was making these noises, and quite to my surprise and shock, it was an area full of wild animals.

Henri's first reaction was to get the blue blazes out of there, but something struck me as odd. The wild animals were kept behind a tall fence in which they supposedly could not escape.

In Paris where I am originally from, the only animals that roamed free were of the domestic kind, although when I traveled to distant countries, yes, there were various kinds of animals roaming free and not behind a wire fence, so this caught me as being quite odd and I wondered how these 21st century people were able to get them from their native land and hold them there and not be arrested for doing so.

Surely, these animals could not be happy so far from home and living behind a fenced in area such as what I was seeing now.

It was inhumane when you thought about it.

Being a hump back and shunned by the local townspeople, as well as my own family, when I was alive, I created a rapport with animals. It was as if I could understand their needs and their wants. I never told anyone for fear they would think I was more than a freak than I already was, so I kept this secret to myself.

And as I was thinking about this, it occurred to me that Henri could help these animals and find out if they were content to be confined and if they wanted me to help them return to their homeland. I wasn't sure if I could help, but I had to try.

I flew over and got a closer look at them, but I forgot something.

They could not see me.

If I were to help these animals, I would have to make myself visible. Once visible, I could get their attention and communicate with them. It sounded like a plan.

Henri was about to become a hero and save the wild kingdom!

I materialized in a matter of a few seconds and walked up to the first animal. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite the reaction I hoped it would be.

I quickly took out my photographing device so that I could show my blogging friends what someone (or animal in this case) looks like when they first see Henri...

I've seen better hair days, but this was a simpian primate's reaction when I peeked through the wires of his jailhouse...

The animal was completely traumatized. I apologized but it didn't seem to make a bit of difference.

Figuring I just didn't have the communication thing going on with this creature, I scurried off and stopped at a member of the felidae family. However, I got the same reaction.

I didn't even have time to open my mouth.

I was starting to feel a little bad by this time. Here I was trying to save them and all I was doing was making things worse.

And all this animal did was stare.

Even in the afterlife, they stare.

It was closing in on time to depart and make haste to Ezra's ice box for some cool Coors Light to help ease the pain, so I turned off my photographing device and started to take off when one of the little people stumbled into me. Literally went right through me, but it left such a remarkable look on his face, I grabbed my photographing device for one last picture that would be ingrained in his memory for some time.

This has made Henri quite quite sad.

I flew back to Ezra's house and opened a can of Coors Light and stared at my reflection and realized what happened.

I was wearing nothing but my birthday suit. As a ghost, those things don't matter. But, I guess in the civilized world of the wild kingdom, it does.

The moral of this story is to never materialize without making sure you have your trousers on, unless you're in Victoria Secrets, of course. At least there, you'd get appreciation.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Paris, France, Victoria Secrets

Henri Gets Tagged

2007-05-09T13:40:00.000-07:00

I received an email today. Of course, Henri can receive email! It's henritheghost(at)yahoo.com. Do not forget to change the at part. I hear it gives you spam if you do it the other way and I'm not quite sure what spam is except it fills up your email box with Viagra and Girls Gone Wild DVDs of which Henri is going to check into as soon as he posts this.

But, I digress.

Does anyone love that word digress as much as I do?

Digress. Digress. Digress.

Anyway, it was from one of the lovely ladies who stops in on poor ol' Henri. Her name is Rene and she has a blog that she calls "A Little Cheese With That Whine."

These blog names make Henri chuckle.

Anyway, it seems she wants to play a game with me. Henri loves games!

But, I am not understanding the 21st century.

Rene has tagged me. In my time, when you tag someone, it wasn't a good thing. But, Rene would not send ol' Henri anything that wasn't a good thing...oooh la la what these ladies can think of to send me.

So, I am tagged.

I am supposed to do another meme and then tag eight others. Henri is psyched! What better way to get the ladies over to my blog and into my arms, n'est pas? What are these luscious women thinking?

Ahh...but there are rules so Rene has told me...

La Rules:

1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

So much work for ol' Henri when he's had too many Coors Lights, but for Rene, I will do it!

8 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me

1. Victoria Secrets is my endroit très préféré à traîner, but only on Saturdays because of the vampires.

2. I was beheaded in 1632, but it was not because I was sleeping with Richelieu's wife as he thought. It was his nineteen-year-old virgin daughter but you didn't hear it from me. C'est magnifique!

3. Coors Light is my preferred beverage. I think that's a rather duh statement, n'est pas?

4. I am a gifted acrobat, but only on nights I have exhausted Ezra's supply of Coors Lights and there is a beautiful young lady beside me.

5. I liked Sanjaya.

6. I have never been paid for my nude shots in Playgirl, but I'll be humble and consider it my gift to womenkind.

7. I am a charter member of the Mile High Club even when I'm on the ground.

8. I have a fetish for Natasha Henstridge and it has nothing to do with her brains. Ohh la la!

9. I am so hot, even the sun looks for shade.

10. When they invented Henri de Montmorency, they threw away the key. Lucky for you, there's enough of me to go around!

Je suis le plus grand!

Now, this is the part ce devient intéressant. I am to find eight lovely ladies to play with along with me. Hmmm....okay, here are my choices but it was hard!

Daisy, Erica, Erin, Kathy, Ronda, Sandy or Cyn, Sandi, Maureen.

Meow!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Paris, France, A Little Cheese With That Whine, Mile High Club, vampires, Natasha Henstridge, Victoria Secrets, Playgirl, Girls Gone Wild, Viagra

Henri Does Vampires

2007-05-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

It is my understanding that someone wants me to be a part of some blogging thing involving trying to explain that ghosts exist. I'm barely used to blogging (although I am finding it gets plus agréable the more I do it) and it would take a lot to get me out from under this mountain of empty Coors Light bottles, but once I found out who it was...ohhh la la!

Her name is Caridad Pineiro. Never heard of her. Oh, wait. I do believe she is touring right now herself. Maybe I can fly over, show her what the ol' Henri's got and pick up some pointers from her. After all, a little pleasure with business makes the world better for Henri, n'est pas?

I always had a fondness for brunettes, so this might be right fun. Of course, I always had a fondness for blondes and redheads, but I digress.

The thing I find interesting about this jeune femme de mes imaginations is that she has a fetish.

Vampires.

Those blood-sucking varmints that hunt you down like a wolf on a full moon.

I remember back in the early 1600s, Saturday night was the only night we could freely walk the streets without some blood-thirsty vampire thinking we'd make a good meal. Thank goodness because every other night we were walking around smelling like garlic. Being a hump back and smelling like garlic, it was pretty hard to get a pretty young thing to look at you, so I didn't even try.

When I was beheaded in 1632, I wasn't put in the same realm as these blood suckers, so I'm not sure how high or low they ended up on the heavenly totem pole, but it was the last I saw of either of them.

However, since coming back to earth, I have seen them. Ils sont effrayants!

They hang out in storefronts in a much larger storefront they call a mall. These storefronts have music that is so loud, it makes your ears hurt. They are all dressed in black and I've heard them mentioned as being gothic-oriented, but I don't know that as a fact.

All I know is, I carry my garlic with me if I need to stop into Victoria Secrets which is just across from them.

So, now I hear this Caridad Pineiro (must be of Spanish descent) writes about them, and even stars them in her books.

If they ever start blogging, I am so not there.

But, whatever Caridad wants, Caridad gets as far as Henri is concerned, so I'll be over to her blog on Thursday, June 14. As it is not a Saturday, I will be carrying my garlic with me.

You are welcome to come visit. It's www.caridad.com/blog/. I'm the handsome one reeking of garlic.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Paris, France, Caridad Pineiro, blood calls, vampires, gothic, Victoria Secrets

Henri Does Thongs

2007-05-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

I never was much of a clothes horse, even on the physical realm, but it never occurred to me until last night when I was perusing over blogs and websites how much the 21st century was involved in clothing garments.

But, the one piece of clothing that confuses me more is the use of thong undergarments.

I mean, how would you get used to them? From what I can gather, it's a very slim piece of material that goes up the crack of your butt and stays there until you take them off.

I'm not sure why ladies (and even gentlemen!) seem to think this is a fashion statement; if indeed, it is. There must be a reason why they wear them and this is the only conclusion I can come up with.

I flew over a beach resort and the most ripe pair of buttocks caught my eye. Of course, being the ladies' man that I am, I zoomed right in, anticipating another night of bon temps when instead of a luscious tart to be found, it was a man wearing this thong undergarment with his buttocks hanging out on each side. Definitely not my tasse de thé.

And it didn't stop there. What I saw gave me nightmares. These thong undergarments were everywhere.

And since we were talking about memes yesterday, I have another one and it's called "Henri's Top Five Reasons Why You Shouldn't Wear Thongs."

Appréciez!

HENRI'S TOP FIVE REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR THONGS:

1. You've had one too many shrimps on the barbie.

2. Presidents use you for wall hangings.

3. Bicycle riding puts new meaning in "wedgies."

4. Poop has nowhere to go.

5. No explanation necessary.

Ahhh...the 21st century. Il est étrange!

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Paris, France, thongs, beach resort

Henri Goes Blogging

2007-05-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

I am to understand that I am to have a virtual book tour in June; at least, that's what my co-authors are telling me.

I'm not even sure what I am to do except answer questions. That I think I can handle.

But, this blogging thing. I am new at it and it truly fascinates me. I haven't had such fun since hanging out at the à bas Auberge de Baisse in Paris.

In case you don't know what that is, it's Boo Drop Inn in the American language, that is frequently hosted by dead celebrities and comics. Friday nights are all-you-can-drink nights for $4.95. I might be famous, but I'm cheap. And so are the women. And that's why I go being as I'm quite virile and quite handsome for a 364-year-old ghost.

But, I digress.

Blogging.

Being as I am about to go out on this virtual book tour, I wanted to see what blog land is all about. From what I can gather, the humans talk about all sorts of things, which I find quite entertaining.

There are posts about stay-at-home moms, dildos, Sanjaya.

There are posts about butt crack, bat mitzvahs, and I even found a blog talking about a book written by more than one author like my so-called co-authors and I have written. And I say "so called" because they all know it was I who wrote the book, but you can't fight city hall, I guess.

So, I'm presuming it's a free for all place to write whatever you want.

But, one thing I found rather interesting was this meme thing. If I understand it, you are supposed to write a list of things pertaining to yourself. Henri loves talking about himself!

So, tonight I give you my first attempt at a meme. This one is called "Ten Reasons Why I Hate Being a Stud."

Are you ready? Here we go...here we go...cie la vie!

TEN REASONS WHY I HATE BEING A STUD

1. There's only one of me to go around.

2. Playgirl won't stop calling me.

3. My brain says no, but my whacker says go.

4. They don't sell underoos big enough.

5. Even when I'm sick and throwing up, I'm still looking good.

6. They insist on me replacing Rosie O'Donnell on The View or they're going to close the show down.

7. I can't go out into public with a raincoat or I'll get arrested.

8. I not only stop traffic, I cause accidents.

9. I put the statue of David to shame.

10. When morning comes, I've already had 1,876,845 ejaculations and that's before I wake up.

Ayez une bonne nuit !

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, ghosts, Paris, France, virtual book tour, stay at home moms, Rosie O'Donnell, Playgirl

Introduction

2007-05-05T15:28:00.000-07:00

Hello.

I am Henri de Montmorency, originally Grand Marshal of France and Governor of Languedoc, but now...I am...a ghost.

I was beheaded on the day before All Hallow's Eve in 1632 by the order of Richelieu, a man who I didn't quite see eye to eye with concerning my religious beliefs.

However, that's in the past. I do not regret standing up for my own beliefs and have accepted my untimely death, but truth be known, the afterlife is as they say in my native land of Paris, France, plus d'amusement.

If you have never been a ghost, I must tell you that we have certain charismatic qualities about us.

Before I was beheaded, I wasn't what you'd call easy to look at. For, you see, I was also a hump back. However, in the afterlife, I have become what I always knew was inside of me all along - verile, handsome and quite the lady's man, much to my surprise and delight.

I have roamed the earth for many centuries, but there was one home I finally attached myself to and it wasn't because I was ready to settle down because now that I was free of the torment of my disgusted appearance, I felt like a free bird ready to take flight at a moment's notice, but this one home was the home of Ezra Anne Thornberry.

And it wasn't because of anything romantic-related; it was because of a beverage she kept stocked in her ice box by the wonderful name of Coors Light.

I'd always loved fine wine in the past, but in a pinch, a case of Coors Light took the edge off mighty fine. Oooh la la! A ghost can't be too picky living in the 21st century, you know.

So, it was, I was kicking back, tossing back a can or two or six of this delightful beverage, when Ezra Anne finds out about a man looking for ghosts and, of course, my ears perked up.

It seems the man's name was Rodger Hawthorne III and he lived in a mansion in the mountains of North Carolina.

Rodger was on a ghost hunt for a woman with whom he was married and who also died an untimely death. Sarah was her name and by what we gathered at the time, her spirit was hard to reach. I could have told them she was there all along, but they had to go and find out for themselves.

Plus, if they did, they would each share the bounty of $1,000,000. Not chicken feed even in these times. Back in my time, it would have bought a whole continent.

Never one to turn down finding one of my own kind, I jumped at the chance to tag along. I couldn't remember a Sarah Hawthorne in the realm I had been in, but as the realms are all so divided and segregated according to what you were up there for, it would have been easy to miss her. But, still, the name rang a bell.

So, this is my story of how six women and one ghost go on a search to find the million dollar ghost.

If you can't wait for me to tell the story, you can go to Amazon and pick up the book yourself. It's called The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost.

I hope you will continue to visit my blog and, for now, I bid you adieu.

Tags: The Search for the Million $$$ Ghost, Paris, France, North Carolina